to evaleigh...on your first birthday...

to my evaleigh jo faith.

a year. you're a year old today. i can't hardly believe it. what a year it's been. you have changed our lives since the moment we held you in our arms. i remember looking at your little rolls after you were born at *almost* nine pounds and thinking of how much that reminded me of amelya. and your looks were *just* like caitlyn.

yet you proved to us how you are your own person. :) you're a happy content little baby. and you blessed me tons by sleeping through the night at TWO weeks old. even though you started out my second biggest baby...you've turned out to be my smallest since. i say it's because you know you're our last and want to get good use out of all our clothes. ((which you are just starting to grow out of the 6/9 months!!))

i look at your crinkle nose smile and can't imagine our family without you. after going through two losses to get to you...i know that God DOES work things out for good. you bring so much joy to our lives. your smiles melt my heart. your  growls make me giggle. and that twinkle in your eyes...well it scares me. :) it reminds me of the twinkle your siblings get...and it is a mischievous one.

you're an awesome little sister. you let them pull on you. hold you. confine you to their arms. all with that silly smile on your face. i figure you're letting this all go down now...so once you start walking you'll surprise them with an attack of your own. ;)

you're a total momma's girl. can i tell you a secret? i LOVE it. out of all five kiddos...you're the first one to be so attached to me. i don't mind that you cry and stop immediately when you're in my arms. i love knowing you need me. because baby girl...i needed you. i needed you to remind me again of how good our God is. you were the rainbow of my storms. and i'm reminded of that every time i look at you. that without the storms of my life...i wouldn't have you to hold on to.

i can't wait to share with you why faith is a part of your name. why without faith...it would've been so much harder. that without faith...i don't know where i'd be. that without faith...you won't get through things. every time i tell someone about your name...i share a bit of our story. because, yes, you are a part of that story. i love those babies that are waiting for us in heaven. your brother and i *think* sister, will always be a part of our hearts and lives. but i can't imagine YOU not being a part of it. i know i had to suffer those loses to get to this point. and even though it was yucky. and not so fun. you my baby girl...are beautiful and fun. and i know that it was all God's plan for us. and a good plan.

if i have any advice for you...it's to hold on tight to God and your faith in Him. i can't wait to share Him with you. to tell of all the things He's done. to pray with you. to see you have a relationship with Him. to just cling tight to the One who needs to be clung to.

i love you evaleigh jo faith. forever and a day. and two days after that.
love.
your momma

ps. i've bawled through this entire letter. i'm reminded over and over again how faithful God has been to me through this past year. through her birth. through my battling and continuing to fight my post partum depression. i can only say they're tears of thankfulness. love. and joy.