i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Thursday, October 09, 2014

a "G"igantic update

alpha-popp baby G is due may 23rd. :) 

if all you care about is that we’re having a baby G, i’d stop reading now.


if you enjoy reading “how we found out we were having another baby” stories…this is just for you! :) 

let me take you back a little bit. to like, august. fletcher hasn’t been sleeping well since about july. (if you know me in real life, you may have heard that story a few times. ;) ) shaun and i were talking more and more about “if” there was to be another baby. we both decided that we were good. maybe for “good”. for sure “for now”. 

shaun went on a men’s retreat at the beginning of september and told me about someone sharing their testimony there that they had gone and had a reversal done and were now expecting a baby. it solidified for me that even though we were “done for now”, i didn’t want it to be permanent. we are young enough, that what if that’s us in a few years. i didn’t think it would be. but it just solidified how we both felt. shaun agreed with me. 

i was ‘due’ the saturday of the men’s retreat. i truly had NO reason to suspect i was pregnant. so i carried around my little “if i get my period” bag full of supplies just waiting for it to come. knowing it’d probably come when we were out and about, or in the middle of church sunday. saturday came and went. sunday came. from my calculations i was “late” sunday. shaun ended up with cellulitis and needing a prescription. so i bought a test to check. that test (and if you’re wondering…i took it right inside CVS) came up negative. okay. sunday came and went.

monday morning i did the “first morning” pee on the other test that came in the box. negative. i was sure. maybe was there a line? no. there wasn’t. i was actually starting to get worried. what was going on with me! my cycles were never this long. i was going to give it a few more days before just checking in with my dr. ((i also had started running and exercising more, been a bit “stressed” out so i figured it could be that, too)) i have this weird thing, i usually don’t throw pregnancy tests away. so monday i just threw the test in the mostly empty nursing pads box in the cupboard and left it at that. monday came and went without anything. 

i started thinking about “if” i could be pregnant. how was i feeling? well, tired. i was tired. but i have a kid who (still) doesn’t sleep. tired is NOT an indicator of pregnancy when you can explain WHY you’re so tired. 

tuesday morning. i looked at the test i took monday. ((i know you’re not supposed to read them AFTER a certain time. but whatever.)) i didn’t see two lines. i didn’t think so. actually i knew i didn’t. when i threw the test back in the box…i found an UNUSED test. what? woo hoo. i decided to take it. i peed on it and threw it in the box. the kids were up and i didn’t want them to find it. we have nosey and smart children who would know what it was if they investigated enough. :)  

shaun came in the bathroom to shower and at this point he was starting to wonder what was going on with me. i said. i don’t know. look, i took another test. it’s negative, right?! i grabbed the test out of the box and showed him. yep. negative. 

i also explained, based on my record keeping… ((yes. i keep track of things. i know when. if stuff was used. when my cycle started. ended. carry on.)) there was really a SUPER small chance i was pregnant. the only “dates” that would make sense that i could’ve gotten pregnant were “dates” that we were being “safe” on. there are failure rates…but we’ve only ever used this form of protection and it hadn’t failed us before…

shaun got in the shower and i threw the test in the box. for whatever reason i decided to look at the other test from the day before again…

…except the “other” test was the REAL test i had taken that day. i had grabbed the test from the day before to show shaun. the REAL test…

…clearly showed TWO LINES!

i said. oh. shaun??

he said. don’t even start with me right now. he knew exactly what that “oh. shaun?” meant. ((he was in no way mad. it’s just his way of dealing with shock. lol.))

i said. i need to go call amber.

amber had her phone on do not disturb. when i finally got through on her house phone. THANK GOODNESS! she still has one of those! i don’t even know if i let her get more than a hello in. 

i’m not one to usually care about sharing too much info, and told her everything. what i loved was her response…she knew we had been praying about “if” there should be more…and she said, “how cool!! God answered your prayer!” i was a tad confused because the week before i thought he had answered it by having us be done. LOL! 

and i said. yeah. it’s crazy. 

we gushed. said oh my goodness. and i stopped shaking long enough to hang up the phone. 

shaun needed to go to town that day to get his passport (he’s going on a missions trip to haiti in january! SO EXCITED!!) and another friend had been texting me and then offered to watch our kids so shaun and i could have lunch.

can i say, it was the most perfect timing for that!?! shaun and i were able to talk about this majorly awesome surprise. i wanted to so badly tell her, that day too. but there was never a “right” time. ((did i mention i have nosey investigative children?)) i did thank her later on for offering to watch the kids that day and how perfect it was for us to be able to talk. 

after our date lunch we went to walmart to buy a digital test. you know. in case the other one was wrong. i patiently waited until we got home to take the test. and yep. pregnant. for realsies! 

i called my dr’s office the next day and they ran the blood work that morning. they checked my hcg and progesterone levels. my hcg levels came back. at 30. that’s like barely pregnant. based on dating it seemed really low. it seemed possible, but low. 

i’ll admit. i broke down on thursday. every time i am pregnant i fear losing the baby. after going through three losses, it’s just always on my mind. i was able to go to walmart by myself that night and just be alone. before i went i texted some friends to pray for me and just that it was just a number. God is bigger than any number. but it still didn’t make it easy. 

one really fabulous friend was on her way to a craft show. she said, i want to come to you. she went way out of her way. in unfamiliar territory and met me in a parking lot. ((with a king sized cookies and cream hershey bar and red vines)) but more than the candy…a hug. and the ability to break down and cry to her. and to just let it be okay that i was scared. and it was fine to feel that way. it was fine to be scared, yet trust that God was in control and no matter what…GOOD!  

and deserved GLORY! no matter what. that wednesday night before at church we had a worship night and through the songs that were played he put on my heart the word Glory. i smiled and thought…there’s a G name. :) that night i decided to quit googling low progesterone and hcg levels and googled baby names. i checked to see what gloria meant. it means—Glory be to God. and just knew that no matter what, God was going to get glory through this pregnancy.

i had my labs tested two days after the first. i was nervous to call and get the results. but i got them. when i called i held my breath as the nurse answered and said, thank you for calling…this is GLORIA a phone nurse. 
i sat in silence for a second or three. and said to myself—HA! that’s funny.
then i asked for the results. they were 87. so not only did my numbers double, they almost tripled. woo hoo. my progesterone results did not go up. they went down a little. so the next week my dr had everything tested again.

when i called for those results i was so happy to hear my numbers went up to 882. and my progesterone was 23! i felt like i was in the clear. but to be safe asked if they would check my numbers again. i’ve had low progesterone issues with the last two babies and wanted to be sure. in the meantime i’ve continued to feel pregnant and never had any other “issues”. 

i had my levels checked last week. they were 12.81. i was, honestly,  devastated. still trusting that God’s plan was good. and is good. but still feeling bad. they called with my results and said that dr would start me on progesterone but first wanted to order an ultrasound to check on baby. quite honestly, from the tone of the nurse…i could tell they didn’t think it’d go well.

i was able to get in tuesday for the ultrasound. my first official drs appt was wednesday. but i didn’t care if i had to run to appleton twice, i could see if we were having a baby a day sooner!! 

i was able to sleep monday night. and for that i was thankful. i wasn’t so much worried about the ultrasound as i was nervous. i was almost throwing up all morning before it, at the thought of it going bad. it had nothing to do with feeling morning sickness. about an hour before the appt though, i felt peace. like the peace that you know can ONLY come from the Lord. and knew in my heart that even if the day went horribly…that He was still good. and deserved the glory. and knew that the few friends i had praying, were doing just that and that the peace they were praying for—was happening!!

as i sat in the waiting room for my ultrasound i prayed that i would get my favorite tech. the tech that has been with us through two of our losses, and one of our successful pregnancies…the tech that saw us out in a restaurant and said hi because she remembered me. when she walked out and said my name…i was SO happy! 

we discussed how i was pretty sure i was 2 weeks less than what my dates showed, and she still decided to try the abdominal. i held my breath as she put the wand on. and looked hard at the screen. i instantly saw the blob of baby. as she zoomed in…i saw the flicker. my baby had a heartbeat!! everything was looking OKAY!!

i almost broke down and started bawling. i calmed myself down. then she played the heartbeat and it almost happened again. i couldn’t believe it. i had gone in to the room expecting the worst news possible. but that wasn’t the news. the news was a beating heartbeat! i could tell she was also relieved. it was so nice to share in the joy with her! 

the baby measured 2 weeks “smaller” than my dates. BUT based on my record keeping…lined up exactly what i figured it would. i’m so thankful i keep track! it didn’t make me freak out to hear that the baby was measuring small, i knew it should’ve. 

i’m pretty sure i floated right down into the van and called shaun. he was nervous when he answered the phone. and i didn’t know “how” to say it. so i probably sounded weird, too. but then just said…we’re having a baby!! he was as equally as relieved as i was. and then it really sunk it. we’re having another baby! baby number 7. pregnancy number 10! it all still sounds crazy. 

it probably always will. 

but as crazy as it is…

all GLORY to God!!

i saw my doctor this week and she still seems a little concerned about my progesterone levels fluctuating. but i think it’s because it’s her “job” to tell you things. she started me on the suppositories and then wants me to come in next week for a quick portable ultrasound. i think she is also secretly concerned about the dates being that far off, but like i said, i know that’s what they should be. 

i also know seeing a heartbeat doesn’t mean i’ll be delivering a baby in may. my due date is the 23rd based on the ultrasound. i’ve seen a heartbeat before only to miscarry the baby a few days later. but you know, no matter what the outcome…God gets the glory. i mean really…any pregnant woman is not guaranteed a living baby at the end of her pregnancy. for me, someone who has lost three precious babies before, the thought is in my head quite often. and makes me enjoy each moment of morning sickness (or “after you eat you feel sick sickness) it makes me enjoy each moment of progesterone suppositories. of feeling dead dog tired most of the time. i know that it isn’t “fun”, but there are plenty of women out there just begging to God for the opportunity to throw up each morning if it means a baby is growing inside of her. 

really, though, we should ALL just be enjoying each moment of today. because TODAY is what we’ve been given. none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. so live each breath for today. do your best with today. ((so thankful for our current women’s Bible study—our chapter this week is on “today” and living for our eternal promise))

whew. this post is a lot longer than i ever intended. BUT it felt good to write again. it’s been quite awhile. :) 

i’ll try to be back soon and update on the rest of our little alphabet. 

but for now…

here’s another look at baby G. 

3 loving words from you.:

Beth said...

Congratulations to you all!!!

-stephanie- said...

My jaw dropped open but with nothing but joy and excitement for all of you! Such exciting news.
Since May 22 (my birthday) is close to May 23, that would be a nice day to have little "G" :-)

Congratulations! and to God be the glory!

I will keep you in prayer.

Anonymous said...

I have been lazily following your blog for a few years. I say lazily because I don't remember how I found it. And then I couldn't remember the name of it. I just remembered you name each of your kids based on what letter you're on. You came into my mind one day about 3 weeks ago, randomly. Just tonight I figured out the name of your blog and saw your wonderful news!! Congratulations!! I live vicariously through all the pregnant people of the world. I have 4 kids (2 by birth) and had my tubes tied. Every time my period comes around, I cry a little inside. But, this isn't about me, is it =)
Congratulations again. I can't wait to follow along on this new adventure with ya'll.
K in NC