i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Monday, May 11, 2009

the details.

lol. not all the details. but here is what i feel like sharing....((and if you aren't sure what details i could be spilling...you may want to read the post below this first.))
first off. here is my initial reaction to finding out about baby e. surprise. i was very surprised that we were pregnant. now i know it only takes one time. and perhaps it did happen that one time. but according to a '28' day cycle ( i don't think mine is ) it happened on a time where things were being used. yes i/we DO know what birth control is. and yes i KNOW how babies are made. BUT that 'one night' a week later we both made a choice to forgo our birth control choice. and of course we knew what could happen because of that choice. i really just didn't think it would. but you know. i don't care either. i am so excited to be having a baby. even if it is baby number five. five, six, seven, one, two, thirteen. it doesn't matter ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL babies are a gift from god. i'll take what he gives me. and follow HIS leading in our lives for our babies and if we are to have any more.
after having dustin we prayed long and hard. and long and hard. about a birth control choice. then i researched them. and i saw the 'real'-ness of them. and then i decided i couldn't and wouldn't use most of them out there. which left a permanent choice or the choice we went with. which really the word kind of grosses me out so i will not say it. lets just call it 'c'. :0) we felt led by god to do nothing permanent. it was our leading by god. no one else influenced our choice to not do something permanent. only god. since having dustin i've felt that we just weren't done. no matter how much i tried to tell myself we were. i felt like we weren't. and obviously we weren't.
god does not give us more than we can handle. thus why we've survived for so many years on his providing for us. i have not worked for four years now. and not once has god not provided for us. he continues to shower down his blessings. and unexpected checks in the mail. or cute little old men at the hospital giving me a gift card. or the waitress at the rest. giving us our meal free. it's not coincidence. it's god. i fully believe in that. i know that GOD provides now. and he will in the future. he hasn't stopped yet. i DO NOT doubt him now. nor have i ever. god is so good. why would he stop now?
i know i've mentioned getting a loan at the bank about a month ago. we're getting it to consolidate our bills. not because we can't afford to pay the bills. we're getting it to make it into ONE payment. because that's just easier. so it's not a matter of affording, it is a matter of 'ease'. if that makes sense. besides a bank wouldn't really give a loan to someone who can't pay their bills. we're paying our bills just fine. i'd just rather have A bill. instead of billS. make sense? k. why do i feel the need to address the issue, when really it is none of your business. i don't know. i guess justifying what the loan really is for makes me feel better. oh and we just owe our deductible on dustin's birth. add that to our er visits last month and it adds up quite a bit. we don't have all that money at one time to pay it, hence why we set up the payment plan. it really isn't THAT big of a deal. i do not understand why someone would care to make it their deal. and i do not believe in idols. if believed WIC was a god, that would be an idol. i do not believe WIC is god. i believe WIC is a help to those who need it. and even though i know i do not have to tell you this, i will, we are not on WIC. we did qualify for it a few years ago. but we do not now. well we may now again with another baby, but that's besides the point. WIC has not been our means of providing for our family. GOD has. and will. and always will. and for anyone who thinks god can not provide for five children, i beg to differ. there are many more families with many more children, and it seems to me god is providing for them quite beautifully.
you know what i love about blogging? is that you can leave the computer for HOURS and come back to finish your post. you can leave super long rambling posts, but didn't really type it all at one time. or that your kiddos sleep in and the baby in your belly makes you have to pee at the crack of early. so you stay up and blog then. before your kids get up. or that you have kids who nap and one who 'rests' and you get a bit of free time to blog then. or your kids all go to bed by eight thirty and can blog after they go to bed. god affords me loads of time to blog. do i blog instead of doing dishes...yes. some days. is it your problem? no. is it mine? no. i just do it during one of the other free moments i have. which with four kids i DO get. because i've been blessed with beautiful well behaved, most of the time, children. i have them on schedules and they stick to them themselves. i've truly been blessed.
someone who doesn't have a relationship with jesus may not understand how someone like me can believe that god will provide for us. and someone like me doesn't understand how you can live your life without a relationship with jesus. we're all different. but the one thing that isn't different is that we need that relationship with the lord. the bible says so. i believe the bible. so that's what i believe.
so there you have some details. which really only one of you found it a need to address. i guess having a blog makes my life 'your business' but really when it comes down to it. my life is mine. yours is yours. and neither of them are either of our businesses.
and i'm sure people are going to tell me 'your hands are full'. you know. i'd rather have them full than empty. because i know a lot of want to be mommies would feel blessed to be in my shoes. that's how i feel. blessed. beyond measure.
i am still surprised by all of this. that god would choose me AGAIN! to be a mommy. it isn't about being 'too' fertile it's about god choosing ME!! to raise one of HIS babies. i feel it's an honor to be a mommy. an honor i am so blessed to have. an honor i wish i could bestow on so many other women. but i don't have that authority. only god does. i just stand in awe at the work he continues to do in my life and the lives of my children. i'm raising children for the kingdom. what greater joy is there than that? none that i can think of.
i'm sorry for the craziness of this post. i am sorry that only one person can cause me to get so emotional. that one person can use her name, but not leave any sort of contact or have a blog for me to respond to. so this is my outlet to respond to her. she's been around awhile, i get that only because of her comment. i just don't understand why she choose yesterday to comment, because in my post about getting a loan, in my NEXT paragraph i talked about wanting another baby. now because i'm having that other baby it's a big deal. i find that interesting. so mandy, keep reading if you'd like. and mandy know that i'm praying for you. and i feel truly blessed to pray for you. i know god can and will do a mighty work in you. you just have to let him. and want him to. and believe me what christ can do for anyone is truly amazing.
if those of you have no idea what in the world i'm talking about this is what mandy choose to say last night:
I have to say this is getting out of hand. You just blogged a few days ago that you haven't even paid off the medical bills from having your last child and that you in fact needed to take out a loan to pay the bills. How are you going to be able to afford a 5th child when you don't even work? I don't even understand how you find time to blog as much as you do with 4 children...and now you're going to have 5. I don't think God can provide for 5 children...unless you consider WIC God.
i believe that we all have the right to say what we feel. but i also believe that you should 'own' up to it (hence why there is no anon comments allowed). so mandy thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on my precious baby. and know that i really don't believe a single one of them.
ohhhhhh and now because my brain is cleared of all that. you want to know HOW we found out don't you!?!? :0) was it in the walmart bathroom??? so hear it is. we got home from church a few sundays ago. i was kind of quiet. shaun asked what was up. i said that i haven't gotten my period yet. he said. you want to go to a-town don't you. i said yes. so we drove to a-town. i went into walmart. peed on a stick. but i threw it in the bag and walked out. i got to the van and said. it's in there i haven't looked at it yet. so shaun pulled it out. and shaun was the first to know!! remember i told you to watch out if i was in a walmart bathroom!! :0) we were surprised and shocked. and about five seconds later...elated.
i must say i've had feelings of guilt though. guilt because i know there are so many others out there who would do anything to be pregnant and stay pregnant. who would do anything to have a baby of their own. so know that all of you out there who fit that category, i've been praying for you continually. you're heavy on my heart. i feel truly blessed to be able to pray for you all.
i also have been feeling 'bad'. i don't want in any way to steal my sister's thunder about being pregnant too. so amy, i'm sorry. not sorry i'm pregnant but sorry if you've felt that way. i know you know we are not in control. so know that i cannot have control over your feelings. and those lies are only from the enemy. and know that i feel so truly blessed to be having babies at the same time.
so i think that sums it up. but just a minute. i have to say. i LOVE you guys. all of you who 'stuck up for me' on the comments after mandy. all of you who have left such encouraging comments to me. the bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice. i feel truly blessed to be rejoicing with all of you. because my friends a baby is something to rejoice about. no matter what number it is. i would also love the continued 'e' names. :0) it's been so fun reading them. so keep them coming and i'll have to post a post about them.
so again. thanks. truly thanks. one 'mean' comment every once in awhile reminds me of all those out there who need our prayer. i can handle them. because god sustains me through them. and you just have to deal with me blogging about them. alrighty i'm outtie. even though i really have an innie. :0)

25 loving words from you.:

Kelli said...

Amanda, this is such a great post...I love how you address the negative with such a GOD centered answer!
How great is it that you and your sister will have babies the same age...it is so much more fun to be pregnant with someone...and for it to be your sister makes it even better!!
I just thought...you are going to have to change the name of your blog now!! Congrats again! I will start thinking of some E names!

-stephanie- said...

Girl...you are amazing!

You are doing amazing things for HIS kingdom.

Breckheimer Family said...

Amazing post! I'm so happy for you and waaaaaaay excited to hear more about your adventures as a mommy of FIVE!

Emily said...

LOVE it Amanda! I can feel God working in you and your family's lives.

As for Mandy, apparently she doesn't know who God is if she can sit back and claim God can't provide for 5 children. Thats just idiotic! God can do a LOT more than just provide for 5 children... God can do anything He chooses!!!

Congrats again! I will be praying for you and baby e.

BTW, how far along are you. I will be 16 weeks tomorrow.

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

God is doing wonderful things through you, Amanda! Again, congratulations, and I'll let you know if I come up with any other E names...

He And Me + 3 said...

That is great Amanda! I am so happy for you. Thanks for sharing.

The Lang Family said...

Ok, I'll try and keep this a semi-short comment... :)

LOVE the post! It's sad that people can think of babies as a burden rather than a blessing.

Since it's Monday...I definitely did not go to the book sale at the GB library on Friday & add a baby name book and a book for fathers to our bag...($3 for a grocery bag full!) :) For E names I like: Eden, Ella and Evelyn (Evie) & Eli and Evan. And that's the short list. I love baby names. :)

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

Amanda,
I'm so sorry for the negativity you have had to deal with. God is in control and He is working through you! Such an amazing story! I love you and your blog, I always enjoy catching up on you!

Katie

Jane Anne said...

Congratulations!!!!! I am so happy I stopped by Jill's today. How exciting!! I had fun reading your Not Me! Post and then this one. I am sorry about the rogue commenter. I enjoyed reading all of your thoughts in this post. I guess you have to change the name of your blog, huh? :)

It is Food Allergy Awareness Week. Read my latest allergy post: True Story Tuesday

Dazzled by Diapers said...

Maybe Mandy wrote that because she hasn't been blessed with children or as many as she would like.

In either case, this is your blog and it's none of her business.

Most people in a normal state of mind wouldn't think anything other than - oh that's great Amanda is having another baby.

Some people make gorgeous babies and God wants them to have more :)

God will always provide and allow your family to flourish regardless of what anyone else says or things.

Lauren said...

I found out I was pregnant with my last baby in a Walgreens bathroom! LOL! I was completely stunned! I wasn't expecting it or even really wanting another child at the time. But God was in control of that situation and His timing is perfect! I feel so blessed!

Congratulations!

Following Him said...

First of all...CONGRATS again :) Second of all...here is my response to mean commentors...go away! I can not believe people can be so mean!! God has a plan for your family and that is between you and HIM...period! Baby E will be blessed to have you as a mama!
Take the mean comments as a grain of salt...literally!
~Elyse

Meg said...

You go girl, but you do realize that you are going to have to change the name or your blog, or i will be soo confused..... just saying :)

The Beaver Bunch said...

I concur, I concur, I concur!

And, to anyone who may think that children are anything less than a blessing, I encourage you to check out Voddie Baucham (http://www.voddiebaucham.org/vbm/home.html) specifically his podcast on Multi-Generational Promise.

It has OPENED my eyes to what it means to pass on Godly faithfulness to our children, ALL of them, nomatter how many God chooses to bless us with.

Actually, I recommend Dr. Baucham to EVERYONE, regardless of your view on children. He is truly speaking the Truth In Love.

Mom2Valerie said...

God bless you, Amanda! I'm sure this was a difficult post to write, but you wrote it beautifully. You are so write - ALL children are a blessing from the Lord and what a privilege it is to be chosen to raise them ;)

I laughed at your latest post on my blog - we'll definitely have to play matchmaker and see what happens. Wouldn't that be funny if it was part of God's plan after all...who knows?

Nikki said...

Great post, Amanda. I enjoy your 'ramblings' and it's great to read how you spin the negative into a positive :)

Congratulations on Baby 'E'! :)

Megan R. said...

Wow. First of all, congratulations again!! Babies ARE a blessing. And second, I'm sorry that somebody was rude enough to post something to make you feel as if you need to defend yourself. You definitely don't. I have to say, that I'm a bit jealous though! My chunker is 6 months and I am definitely ready for another!! Unfortunately (for us) financially it's not a good plan at this time, so I think I will live vicariously through you! ENJOY your pregnancy!

Martha said...

"I don't think God can provide for 5 children...unless you consider WIC God."

GASP!!

God created the entire UNIVERSE in a week and you don't think He can provide for 5 children? That's dreadful! I would do some praying before His wrath is provoked :o)

In the very beginning of the Bible, He tells us to be fruitful and multiply. I don't remember Him telling us to take birth control when the bills are a little too high, how ridiculous.

My husband was laid off work a week before I gave birth, I was a bed ridden disabled pregnant woman at the time. Guess what, the Lord (of course) gave us the means to live and prosper as His children. Now we're in a 3 bedroom house with a huge yard :) God takes care of every sparrow and God definitely takes care of His children.

I am so happy for you and I KNOW for a fact that your family will be blessed :) why? Because I TRUST in God!

Emily said...

Hi Amanda,
This is my first time visiting your blog. Your children are SO cute and congrats on your pregnancy! That's so exciting!
I just really left led to comment on a particular part of your post;
You said "i am still surprised by all of this. that god would choose me AGAIN! to be a mommy. it isn't about being 'too' fertile it's about god choosing ME!! to raise one of HIS babies. i feel it's an honor to be a mommy. an honor i am so blessed to have. an honor i wish i could bestow on so many other women. but i don't have that authority. only god does."
When you talked about God choosing you, I just couldn't helping feeling like you were saying God was choosing you over other women because you're a better mommy or deserved it or whatever. I think there are many women out there who would make wonderful mothers but for some reason God chose you over them? And not only that, but chose you 5 times over them!?
My husband and I have decided to only have three children. I would love more, but he really feels like three is what is right for our family. A lot of prayer and thought went into making this decision. I don't feel like I'm not as good of a mommy as some one who has 10 children simply because God will have only "chosen" me to be a mommy 3 times.
These are just my thoughts. They are not meant to be negative or mean-spirited. I just feel like I had a different view point.

Jen said...

Feels good to get all of that out, I bet! I for one am SUPER excited for you!

Oh, and I blog when there are dishes to be done too. Whatev. I dare someone to make a federal case out of aspects of my life that aren't their concern! :)

Yay for baby E!

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

CONGRATS on baby E! I am so very excited for you!!

~*Michelle*~ said...

I was going to quote about the sparrow.....but Martha beat me to it (I'll get you my pretty, Martha! *said in The Wicked Witch of the West voice)

seriously....you know how I feel and how much I love ya sweetcheeks. Children are a blessing from the Lord.....He, and only He knows what is best for all of us....

It's all good in the hood....and He's got His hand on you through it all.

xoxoxoxoxoox

Lara said...

Congrats Amanda and family. That is just such exciting news. I too don't feel "done" even though number four is only 2 weeks old. We are not going to do anything permanent either, it's just too... permanent, you know!? I'm glad you are a step ahead of me so that I can ask you for advice on raising a big brood. I love my children and I know each of them is a blessing from God--- no matter the circumstances or the "number" they are! I can't wait to know more about baby e.

Sabrina said...

AMEN. I don't really see how it is anyone's business how many children you have? You are responsible adults, in a committed and healthy relationship. Your children are well cared for, provided for, and loved by you. It's your business and nobody else's. Congratulations! Best wishes for "Baby E".

Julie said...

Congratulations!!! I am SO far behind in blog reading!