the details.

lol. not all the details. but here is what i feel like sharing....((and if you aren't sure what details i could be spilling...you may want to read the post below this first.)) first off. here is my initial reaction to finding out about baby e. surprise. i was very surprised that we were pregnant. now i know it only takes one time. and perhaps it did happen that one time. but according to a '28' day cycle ( i don't think mine is ) it happened on a time where things were being used. yes i/we DO know what birth control is. and yes i KNOW how babies are made. BUT that 'one night' a week later we both made a choice to forgo our birth control choice. and of course we knew what could happen because of that choice. i really just didn't think it would. but you know. i don't care either. i am so excited to be having a baby. even if it is baby number five. five, six, seven, one, two, thirteen. it doesn't matter ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL babies are a gift from god. i'll take what he gives me. and follow HIS leading in our lives for our babies and if we are to have any more. after having dustin we prayed long and hard. and long and hard. about a birth control choice. then i researched them. and i saw the 'real'-ness of them. and then i decided i couldn't and wouldn't use most of them out there. which left a permanent choice or the choice we went with. which really the word kind of grosses me out so i will not say it. lets just call it 'c'. :0) we felt led by god to do nothing permanent. it was our leading by god. no one else influenced our choice to not do something permanent. only god. since having dustin i've felt that we just weren't done. no matter how much i tried to tell myself we were. i felt like we weren't. and obviously we weren't. god does not give us more than we can handle. thus why we've survived for so many years on his providing for us. i have not worked for four years now. and not once has god not provided for us. he continues to shower down his blessings. and unexpected checks in the mail. or cute little old men at the hospital giving me a gift card. or the waitress at the rest. giving us our meal free. it's not coincidence. it's god. i fully believe in that. i know that GOD provides now. and he will in the future. he hasn't stopped yet. i DO NOT doubt him now. nor have i ever. god is so good. why would he stop now? i know i've mentioned getting a loan at the bank about a month ago. we're getting it to consolidate our bills. not because we can't afford to pay the bills. we're getting it to make it into ONE payment. because that's just easier. so it's not a matter of affording, it is a matter of 'ease'. if that makes sense. besides a bank wouldn't really give a loan to someone who can't pay their bills. we're paying our bills just fine. i'd just rather have A bill. instead of billS. make sense? k. why do i feel the need to address the issue, when really it is none of your business. i don't know. i guess justifying what the loan really is for makes me feel better. oh and we just owe our deductible on dustin's birth. add that to our er visits last month and it adds up quite a bit. we don't have all that money at one time to pay it, hence why we set up the payment plan. it really isn't THAT big of a deal. i do not understand why someone would care to make it their deal. and i do not believe in idols. if believed WIC was a god, that would be an idol. i do not believe WIC is god. i believe WIC is a help to those who need it. and even though i know i do not have to tell you this, i will, we are not on WIC. we did qualify for it a few years ago. but we do not now. well we may now again with another baby, but that's besides the point. WIC has not been our means of providing for our family. GOD has. and will. and always will. and for anyone who thinks god can not provide for five children, i beg to differ. there are many more families with many more children, and it seems to me god is providing for them quite beautifully. you know what i love about blogging? is that you can leave the computer for HOURS and come back to finish your post. you can leave super long rambling posts, but didn't really type it all at one time. or that your kiddos sleep in and the baby in your belly makes you have to pee at the crack of early. so you stay up and blog then. before your kids get up. or that you have kids who nap and one who 'rests' and you get a bit of free time to blog then. or your kids all go to bed by eight thirty and can blog after they go to bed. god affords me loads of time to blog. do i blog instead of doing dishes...yes. some days. is it your problem? no. is it mine? no. i just do it during one of the other free moments i have. which with four kids i DO get. because i've been blessed with beautiful well behaved, most of the time, children. i have them on schedules and they stick to them themselves. i've truly been blessed.
someone who doesn't have a relationship with jesus may not understand how someone like me can believe that god will provide for us. and someone like me doesn't understand how you can live your life without a relationship with jesus. we're all different. but the one thing that isn't different is that we need that relationship with the lord. the bible says so. i believe the bible. so that's what i believe. so there you have some details. which really only one of you found it a need to address. i guess having a blog makes my life 'your business' but really when it comes down to it. my life is mine. yours is yours. and neither of them are either of our businesses. and i'm sure people are going to tell me 'your hands are full'. you know. i'd rather have them full than empty. because i know a lot of want to be mommies would feel blessed to be in my shoes. that's how i feel. blessed. beyond measure. i am still surprised by all of this. that god would choose me AGAIN! to be a mommy. it isn't about being 'too' fertile it's about god choosing ME!! to raise one of HIS babies. i feel it's an honor to be a mommy. an honor i am so blessed to have. an honor i wish i could bestow on so many other women. but i don't have that authority. only god does. i just stand in awe at the work he continues to do in my life and the lives of my children. i'm raising children for the kingdom. what greater joy is there than that? none that i can think of. i'm sorry for the craziness of this post. i am sorry that only one person can cause me to get so emotional. that one person can use her name, but not leave any sort of contact or have a blog for me to respond to. so this is my outlet to respond to her. she's been around awhile, i get that only because of her comment. i just don't understand why she choose yesterday to comment, because in my post about getting a loan, in my NEXT paragraph i talked about wanting another baby. now because i'm having that other baby it's a big deal. i find that interesting. so mandy, keep reading if you'd like. and mandy know that i'm praying for you. and i feel truly blessed to pray for you. i know god can and will do a mighty work in you. you just have to let him. and want him to. and believe me what christ can do for anyone is truly amazing. if those of you have no idea what in the world i'm talking about this is what mandy choose to say last night: I have to say this is getting out of hand. You just blogged a few days ago that you haven't even paid off the medical bills from having your last child and that you in fact needed to take out a loan to pay the bills. How are you going to be able to afford a 5th child when you don't even work? I don't even understand how you find time to blog as much as you do with 4 children...and now you're going to have 5. I don't think God can provide for 5 children...unless you consider WIC God. i believe that we all have the right to say what we feel. but i also believe that you should 'own' up to it (hence why there is no anon comments allowed). so mandy thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings on my precious baby. and know that i really don't believe a single one of them. ohhhhhh and now because my brain is cleared of all that. you want to know HOW we found out don't you!?!? :0) was it in the walmart bathroom??? so hear it is. we got home from church a few sundays ago. i was kind of quiet. shaun asked what was up. i said that i haven't gotten my period yet. he said. you want to go to a-town don't you. i said yes. so we drove to a-town. i went into walmart. peed on a stick. but i threw it in the bag and walked out. i got to the van and said. it's in there i haven't looked at it yet. so shaun pulled it out. and shaun was the first to know!! remember i told you to watch out if i was in a walmart bathroom!! :0) we were surprised and shocked. and about five seconds later...elated. i must say i've had feelings of guilt though. guilt because i know there are so many others out there who would do anything to be pregnant and stay pregnant. who would do anything to have a baby of their own. so know that all of you out there who fit that category, i've been praying for you continually. you're heavy on my heart. i feel truly blessed to be able to pray for you all. i also have been feeling 'bad'. i don't want in any way to steal my sister's thunder about being pregnant too. so amy, i'm sorry. not sorry i'm pregnant but sorry if you've felt that way. i know you know we are not in control. so know that i cannot have control over your feelings. and those lies are only from the enemy. and know that i feel so truly blessed to be having babies at the same time. so i think that sums it up. but just a minute. i have to say. i LOVE you guys. all of you who 'stuck up for me' on the comments after mandy. all of you who have left such encouraging comments to me. the bible says to rejoice with those who rejoice. i feel truly blessed to be rejoicing with all of you. because my friends a baby is something to rejoice about. no matter what number it is. i would also love the continued 'e' names. :0) it's been so fun reading them. so keep them coming and i'll have to post a post about them. so again. thanks. truly thanks. one 'mean' comment every once in awhile reminds me of all those out there who need our prayer. i can handle them. because god sustains me through them. and you just have to deal with me blogging about them. alrighty i'm outtie. even though i really have an innie. :0)