where's yours in?

it's been another week. each time i say to myself i need to blog more. and then it's a week later.

our computer has been acting all wonky. well HAD been. yesterday i decided to try and figure out how to fix it. it would only run in safe mode. and God is so good. i got it fixed. by "myself". i'm so thankful for that. it seriously was the highlight of my day. lol.

i took the kids to the dentist this week. it was the first time for all of them. we do not have dental insurance, so that is why we have never gone before. but i decided we needed to go. well it started because the day before i left for california i had to have a tooth pulled. ((i'm so glad i did, the pain relief was INSTANT!)) and i decided to get my teeth checked and cleaned. ((it had been an obsense amount of time since i had)). so then i planned on getting the kiddos checked too. mainly because i don't want them to have a mouth full of yuck teeth. anyways... they all did great. dustin let them look at his teeth. we didn't try cleaning his this time. looking was good enough for us. caitlyn had zero cavities. YAY! amelya had one. breigh had two. boo. they all did great with getting their teeth cleaned though. and i'm praying cavities go well on the 18th. since we don't have dental insurance. they off a % off if you pay in full with cash or check. so thankfully i was able to do that and save some money. the kids have been super diligent about brushing their teeth since going on monday. so that's a plus too. and amelya has her first loose tooth. insane.

ANYWAYS. i feel like i ramble on and on. and really say nothing at all. or nothing that anyone really truly "cares" about. i mean seriously...i'm sure you don't really care that i took the kids to the dentist. then i remember...it's my blog. i can blog about whatever. and you can read it or leave it.

i've started this blog almost 3 years ago. 3 crazy years. i never would have expected "this". that i would actually stick to something "this" long. that i would make "this" many new friends. that i would have "this" to share my joys. my pains. my happiness. my heartaches with. God has truly blessed "this" for me. and i'm so very thankful!

there have been times recently i've thought about just 'stopping'. i haven't been blogging a lot. but then i realize how much i enjoy it and don't want to stop. and then maybe i wonder if it's ministering to someone. and really. i love it. i've gotten no answers about stopping. so even though it's few and far between...i'm still here. and once i continue to smooth out our schedule...i'll be here more. :)

school has been getting longer for us. i decided to add in a spelling curriculum for amelya. i was going to just wait til next year to start it. but bought it. and had to start it. she's been doing fantastic. she's gotten 9/10 right on both pretests. it's fun. and she asks every day when we're doing spelling. so she likes it. she's gotten into reading fancy nancy books lately. the books are adorable. and she loves them. it's fun to see her reading. i LOVE to read. so i'm praying i can pass that love on to all the kiddos too. yesterday was "craft day" and it was crazy to have amelya reading the directions to me. like seriously?! wow. breigh has been coming along with her K work too. i wasn't sure if she'd be ready to start it. she struggles a bit with letter sounds. but for sure can write all her letters. so we're working slowly on K. technically she doesn't turn five til june. and wouldn't start K til next sept in the schools anyways. the preK stuff was way too easy for her. so i figure we may as well go right on in to K. i have her do the K worksheets from the curriculum. but the other stuff we talk about is from the 1st grade stuff. it's much easier to teach one "main" thing and then break apart what we need to for everyone else. caitlyn has been doing school with us too. she's writing her name now!! woo hoo. a few weeks ago she couldn't at all. and now she is. amazing. it brings so much joy to my heart to see them 'get it'.

i was reading someone's facebook status yesterday about having issues with our local school/teachers. it made me glad that homeschooling is the fit for our family. i don't know how well i would deal with stuff like that. at my gr. grandma's bday party last weekend i was talking with a distant cousin. ((my 2nd cousin? i don't know the 'rules' of that!)) and i mentioned how we homeschooled. her reaction was funny to me. she looked at me like i had two heads and said "why?" with the tone of you're crazy. i can't believe someone chooses to do that. what were you thinking.

she went on to explain how she was excited her youngest was starting 4K next year and she was so excited to get time back for herself. so it wasn't as if she thought homeschooling was awful. it was almost more the fact that i choose to spend all day with my kids. clearly i don't understand her excitement of sending her kids off to school as much as she doesn't understand my excitement of schooling them at home.

which only shows...homeschooling is not for everyone. for me. i couldn't imagine putting my amelya on a bus and waving to her as she goes off down the road. it breaks my heart to think of myself doing that. it doesn't mean that it's bad for others...it just doesn't work for our family. that's really what it comes down to. doing what God leads your family to do. and God has led us to homeschool. all i ask, is that others are happy for us.

there is so much judgement in the parenting world. i mean seriously. i USED to care what everyone thought of my choices. homeschooling. cloth diapering. disciplining. how many kids i have. breast feeding. where my babies sleep. and then i realized how lame i was. truly...WHO CARES?! as long as i am doing what God has called me to do. it does not matter one single bit what anyone else thinks of my choices.

it took me awhile to get to this point. it is not something that happened over night. but i'm so glad God has worked on me. and through this. so my advice to you... be confident. be confident in the calling that God has placed on your life.

sometimes being a parent feels like being in high school all over again. except it's worse. because in high school you knew you'd be "out" in four years. this parenting thing is a permanent gig. you'll always have those moms who think you're awful for letting your baby cry for five minutes. or *gasp* you feed with a bottle? ((and then wonder WHAT is in the bottle...if it isn't breastmilk...how dare you? (oh you tried to breastfeed for weeks and it didn't work out for you. oh you pumped breastmilk because your baby can't latch decent. oh you choose to not breastfeed.) ))does it TRULY matter? no really?. does it? sure breastmilk is "best"milk. but if the mom is feeding her child. does it matter what it is? it's not like she's giving her baby a bottle of alcohol. it's formula. or perhaps breastmilk in a bottle. big deal. sorry. that's one thing that truly bugs me. so many people can place judgement on a simple choice a mom can make to feed her baby.

i'm still nursing evaleigh.. this is the longest i've breastfed without supplementing any bottles. (9 months as of yesterday.) she's only nursing four times a day now. at this point i'm giving her a sippy with all meals so we can just transition to a cup instead of a bottle then to a cup. i have a sample size can of formula in the cupboard. so i just make that up for her when we eat. i didn't get a chance to build up a huge supply of breastmilk in the freezer. and the pump doesn't work for me anymore. so i give her the formula. and she's still living. and so am i. :) and i'll be honest. i'm sort of looking forward to being done nursing. i've been nursing on and off for the past six years. i'm ready to be done. to have my boobs back. lol.

we're done having babies. like i've never been more sure of it than before. it's this peace God has given me about it. and it's been so much fun. i truly know only this peace can come from God. it's crazy. but it's also so exciting. just to see where God will take our family from here. i don't know. i don't even know how to explain it. so then i just end up rambling the same things only using different words. lol.

my birthday is sunday. 28. it's crazy to think i'm 28. i don't feel like it's possible to be 28. it doesn't seem possible to be "out" of high school for 10 years. that i have a 6 year old with a loose tooth. that evaleigh is 9 months old. time goes by so fast. it's truly a vapor. what really matters...is what you're doing with your time. wasting it caring about what everyone thinks about you? or enjoying the callings God placed on you...and not only enjoying them but being confident IN them?

i'd be lying if i didn't say i struggled with being confident. because i do. each day. it's a choice to be confident in God or rely on myself. the days i rely on myself are nothing short of torture. it's when my full 100% reliance is on the God who i serve...that everything seems to be a bit better.

where is it you place your trust? where is your reliance? where is your hope in?

i'm so thankful i can answer all three of those questions with God. and know that He loves me. always. forever. and that He forgives me. completely. 100% each time. what an amazing Father. Friend. God.