i woke up on monday to this...
pretty. isn't it? it was also 5AM. like MORNING time. i didn't hardly know there WAS a five AM. ;)
i woke up early, all for the sake of working out. i'd be lying if i didn't say i've been slacking on working out for quite awhile. when i was in california i realized just how chubby i must look, as i was talking with someone at the baby shower about my five kids and she said,"and is this number six?"
i was so ashamed of myself. i awkwardly said nope, we're done. and will never forget the feeling of how fat i felt. and apparently looked. when i realized after i got home from california, that i had gained TWENTY pounds in the past year. i was ashamed once more. TWENTY pounds. i felt disgusting. awful. gross. honestly, i felt so gross, i didn't even CARE for a few weeks.
then i decided. enough is enough. and started eating better. cutting out ALL soda (we don't buy it at home, but i'll have it when we go out). cutting out a few sundaes a week. shaun and i love ice cream after the kids go to bed. and other better habits.
this week, i started boot camp. it's once a week from 530-615AM and this week was great. my sister in law, and my cousin and a few other people i know are taking the class too. it was fun to work out in a group setting. and despite being a little sore, it was FUN. i am actually looking FORWARD to waking up at 445 next monday morning! i've been trying to do some exercise (usually turbo fire) other days as well. i give myself wednesdays off. (or one other day)
tuesday i took the kids to the track. evaleigh was crabbier than all get out...so after a mile of me walking and her getting madder at that point...i decided to grab the carrier and put her on my back. then she was happier than happier can be...see...
i LOVE my ergo. :) i walked another mile with her on my back. thankfully the ergo is comfortable and the other kids were great. they practiced their biking skills. shaun's sisters also came down for a little while. so it was nice to having walking partners and help getting the kid's bikes back up the hill when we were finished.
so, this time...i mean it. i'm going to lose the weight i gained. and the weight i wanted to lose last year. so in total about 35 pounds. i'm so mad at myself for letting "me" get like this. i should only have the 15 to lose. and really should have LOST it already! but i can't dwell on that. so i keep moving forward, and the next time i take a picture i hopefully won't have that almost double chin look.
and i post this, to be real. not for you to tell me how "good" i look, don't feel fat, you aren't fat. because truthfully saying those things, won't change how i feel about myself. because i do "feel" fat. and it's changing my heart, mind and body to love myself again. because i'm worth loving. :)