i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Friday, January 16, 2009

quickly before i have to go out again.

morning. i have to shower before leaving again to get my 'uptake' test taken. which in reality i'll be spending more time driving (an hour) then the test will take (five minutes...or LESS)

but since i know you've all been praying you deserve an update. i wanted to yesterday. but i didn't know how to go about it. therefore...no update. so i guess i'll just share the news. the nucelar med tech was nice enough to share the pictures and explain them a bit with us. what we were looking, and hoping, for was a 'hot' nodule. that means it is like that because my thyroid is 'over active'. what we saw was, a 'cold' nodule. which means that my next two options are cancer or not cancer. yeah. i know. that sucks. my endrochrinologist will get the results by tuesday. i'm calling tuesday. the next step is most likely going to be a biopsy. to see 'if' it is cancer or not.

after letting it soak in for a day i've been 'fine' with it. shaun has too. i don't want to get all 'hyped' up about it. because we still don't know. but i think that is the scary part...not knowing. BUT i continue to trust god. i continue to believe and know that HE is in full control. it doesn't matter if it is cancer or not...god still has a plan..and his plan is STILL good. i also automatically assume that cancer=death. but it doesn't. 97% of the time thyroid cancer is cureable and treatable. i get 'scared' because shaun's dad was one of the 3% that weren't. a mom at mom's group shared with us a few weeks ago, she said maybe i'm going through this to allow healing in shaun's family from his dad. it struck me.

is that why god is allowing this? and you know...i am TOTALLY fine with that being the reason. i for one KNOW there is more healing that needs to be done with shaun and his mom and sisters. i don't think they've all ever sat down to talk about it. my whole feeling on this is...GOD PLEASE USE ME. use me for YOUR glory and HELP me to give it ALL to you. if it takes me having a 'cold' nodule to bring kimberly BACK to christ...i'm all for it. if it takes me having a 'cold' nodule to bring more healing to shaun...bring it on. if it takes me having a 'cold' nodule to bring ANYONE to a personal relationship with jesus...let's get started.

so that's where i'm at with it. still left with loads of unknown things. but resting in god's loving arms. and it's a nice warm place to be...good thing because it is still 40 below zero outside...

...i also have to pump and dump today. :0( i'm having a hard time watching it go down the drain. serious. i almost cried yesterday the first time. BUUUUUT...shaun and i are taking advantage to the situation and taking a date night...with out dustin...usually we've brought him along. but because i can't feed him...the girls and him are staying by nana's....OVERNIGHT. and i KNOW what you all are thinking!! uh oh. the LAST TIME they went on a date with no kids and slept over at nana's...there was a baby nine months later......we'll try not to have that happen again...but who am i to mess with god's plans...lol....it truly is whatever HE has...

well it's my allotted time to get in the shower. i gave myself 15 min. with you all. i wanted to do it right away so you don't have to keep wondering. :0)

stay warm today. and if you all live in a warm state...i'm SOOOO jealous.

10 loving words from you.:

He And Me + 3 said...

Amanda,

I was in your same boat just over 2 years ago...so I will be praying for you. please keep us posted. XO,
Mimi

Stephanie said...

I am in absolute awe at your strength right now! I know that if I were in your position I would absolutely not be where you are right now. You are amazing!!

I am going to be thinking of you in the next few days and please keep in touch to let me know how you're doing.

Have fun tonight whatever the outcome :)

Kate said...

I've just said a prayer for you. Keep your chin up.

Lara said...

Praying for you this very moment. I pray that whatever healing is to be done, will be done. Have a fun evening in light of all that is going on. I hope people around you are looking to you as a tower of strength as I am. Thank you for the update and I'll keep looking for more.

Jessi said...

Thanks for the update. You all will continue to be in my prayers. Your strength through all of this is beautiful! Thanks for sharing with us and allowing us to go before the Father on your behalf.
Enjoy your date night with the hubby! It's been a pretty warm winter here in my state so far...and I'm totally jealous of your cold!
Blessings & prayers.

C.C. and Double T said...

I am praying for you. I understand how frightening "not knowing" can be. That is the way it is with my MS. I never know when it will hit me and when it does, I never know how long the attack will last or IF it will go away. It is certainly an exercise in faith to "not know." You are looking in the right direction, though, and God will bring you through. HE is faithful!

I will continue to pray for you...

Oh. And the warmer thing. Yes, I am in a warmer state, but it is still 12 degrees today. And I.don't.like.it! Lol! ;-)

Blessings,
C.C.

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Amanda,
Thanks for the update..I kept checking in wondering when you would post it. I will be praying for you and your family and you are an inspiration! So strong to be thinking of others..Truly a servant of God.
Annmarie

-stephanie- said...

thanks for the update, I've been concerned. Wow, Jesus is shining through you today, the way He obeyed His Father and went to the cross for our healing. You are doing a similar thing by taking on a possible threat to your health, for the healing of your loved ones. still praying.

Have a great date, and what a way to stay warm...snuggling with your hubby. Alone! ;o)

Jill (Sneaky Momma) said...

I can imagine how uncertain this all seems to you. Praying prayers of peace for you, Amanda, and for your doctor to get an absolutely clear picture of what's really going on sooner rather than later. Hang in there. :)

Julie said...

Continuing to pray! Your attitude is wonderful! Keep that faith!