warning:long post ahead

so. i have the time. so i'm going to ramble. plus i think i need to just ramble. so here you have it!!

we had a super good weekend. shaun fixed our washer on saturday night and i washed that night and all day yesterday...and have more to do today...i'm just so very thankful for such a handy husband. and if you're wondering...he liked my dress....**wink**...because i'm sure you were wondering...

...sunday we went to shaun's mom's house to have lunch. well it was really a late lunch-but whatever. we played apples to apples, i love that game. and we watched fireproof. i loved it the second time seeing it too.

shaun and i finished up our fireproof your marriage couple's kit this week. it is kind of a bummer. i need to find something now to do every sunday. i have been looking forward to doing it for the past six weeks and now i won't have anything. SHAUN even asked if we were going to do something else!?!!? that totally blessed my socks off. HE wants to do something...I am not the one 'pushing' it. yay. so i'll have to search and find something fun to do i guess.

yesterday was a busy day. i went to our tax appt in the morning. i'm just praying to get some money back. with the farm (well land actually no animals) we seem to 'make' money...i just want to know where it is all hiding?!? serious. shaun stayed home with the kiddos while i went. it worked out quite nicely.

after i got home shaun left to meet with our 'tractor' guy. our lease is up on our tractor. so now we have a decision to make...and it really comes with loads of options:
option one: buyout this tractor, pay 1500 more a year
option two: lease this tractor again, pay 1200 more a year
option three: lease a NEW tractor, pay a little under 2000 more a year
option four: give the tractor back, pay 0 more a year...for a tractor payment, but rent one when we need one and buy a skid-steer instead...
option five:sell the house, the farm and move...

seriously option five has crossed both of our minds. i had been thinking it. but didn't say anything. then shaun said it too yesterday. so really we have a lot to pray about! the stinky part...shaun HAS to know by TOMORROW what he/we want to do!! talk about not giving a person time! shaun also thinks that buying a new tractor would make people think we have all this money, when we don't...at all. i wish people KNEW what costs really go into running a farm. it'd make them realize a lot. i mean seriously a new tractor costs more than some people's HOUSES!! i'm not even kidding! that's why leasing it is a better option for us...lower payments.

we also found out that we have to pay our bill in 'full' to the co-op every time we get one. last year we spent over 22 THOUSAND dollars to the co-op. but we paid them in a couple of bulk payments, after we recieved money for our crops and etc. there is NO way we can just pay our bill in full every time we get it. so that leads to more prayer about how to go about it. should we 'up' our operating loan at the bank? should we go through the co-op financing options? should we should we should we?!?! i don't know. option five keeps getting better in my books. especially when we've had our operating loan for a few years and the past two have only paid the interest due. yikes. no fun.

days like today make me want jesus to come back pronto. but then i think of all the people that haven't accepted him and then i say wait. just wait until this or that happens. but THEN i realize...it's all in HIS timing. his absolute perfect timing. BUT i am just so ready to 'go home'. to be in eternity with my savior. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...there will be no tears, no worries, no fears, just plain ole worship. i can't wait. i'm just praying you'll all be there to join me!!

church was good this week. we talked about loads of stuff...we are currently studying through the book of isaiah and were in chapters 39-40 this week.
my favorite things this week::that we need to be open and willing to hear GODLY counsel, from god or others...and then after hearing it...are we going to use what we hear??

that god will turn 'bad' things and use them for good...take the crucifiction for example...the people behind it meant it for evil against jesus...but look at the good that came out of it...redemption from our sins!!

when god looks at us in heaven, he will see jesus--which equals no sin, SOOO we NEED jesus in order for god to SEE jesus and get to heaven in the first place...

the one thing that convicted me the most this week was this question, why? (as in why do you go back to 'that'...that being numerous things)

i struggle with that part. like why do i go back to trusting MY ways. why do i think I can do things on MY own. why do i trust god for some things but not all things...all the time...argh. it's frustrating. but then i have to remember i am human. i am will fail and fall...BUT jesus. he saves me from the bad stuff. god will see him when he looks at me. i need to remember that and live like that...

like i always try to plan so much. then they don't happen how i wanted them too. then i get mad. why? i mean i'm not saying don't plan anything...i'm saying plan everything LORD WILLING. because THENNNN if the lord wills it...voila it's done..if he doesn't...then it doesn't happen. i think if i go into it with the mind set of lord willing...i won't be set up for disappointment. we spend far to much time being disappointed i think. and really it's our own faults. what will be will be...so why can't we let it just be?!? sorry to get all deep on you. it's what has been on my heart lately...

on a different note. dustin was four months old on sunday. he had his check up yesterday. he was 15 lbs 4 ounces...and 27 1/4 inches long!! he is a good TWO INCHES bigger than all three of the girls at the same age. weight wise they are all around the same weight, within a few ounces of each other actually. but i just can't believe how TALL he is. his feet are pushing tight up against the bundle me thing on the car seat. and the height limit on his car seat is 29 inches. so we'll have to move him up pretty soon. probably by six months. i usually will move the kiddos out of the infant carrier once they can sit up on their own. and that has been by six months-ish. i think caitlyn was my latest sitter at seven months. i hate lugging the thing around. it's easier to just carry them on my hip...or in my sling or wrap.

amelya's FOURTH birthday is NEXT WEEK!!??!!? i can't believe it. we're going to chuck e cheese on her birthday. then shaun's family is coming over next sunday. my mom and dad are going to florida....can you believe they refused to bring me? lol. well they didn't refuse to bring me...just pay for me...and my entire family...i can't imagine why!

so at any rate. i have all the stuff ready for the haiti people, well almost ready. i have a few things to get from a friend, but the kiddos and i went to target today to buy the rest of it. i let them pick out a few books from the dollar section. amelya was so excited to pick out stuff 'for the kids'. i'll be sure to pick a winner of the super cool devotional by the end of the week. just in case there was/is anyone else who wanted to give. click up on top on my giveaway to even know what i'm talking about! i'm really stoked to give the stuff to the lady!!

so that's that. i'm done. well actually caitlyn is up from her nap...so i must get back to mommyhood...