stellan style not me.

head on over to this site and play along with not me monday, stellan style. saying all the things you didn't do over stellan and mckmama.

i figured i wasn't going to post a regular not me anyways, and post about some thoughts on this whole thing, this is an 'easy' way to do it.

i didn't refresh mckmama's page a thousand and three hundred and fifty eight times last week. i didn't want to find out something, anything on stellan's condition.

i do not keep in constant prayer for stellan, mckmama, and the entire mck family.

i am not blessed that my husband cares to ask about stellan and listens to me talk about it and LISTENS. he usually does not look at me like i'm crazy when i talk about other blogs.

i do not put myself in mckmama's position and pray that if i were i could be the same beautiful witness for christ.

i did not cringe at the 'pissed' post. yet i totally agreed with her. ((i just hate the word))


i sit here and say wow. wow god. what are you doing here? what work are you going to do? what good will come out of this? one thing i know and believe a thousand and three percent, is that god is good. all the time. he doesn't take vacations or breaks. he doesn't turn a blind eye on us. he is good. and he is god.

he is in control. we need to trust in him and know that he is in control.

all of our days are numbered. it says so in the bible. we will die when god says so. not when we say so. i think as a mommy it's the hardest thing to swallow sometimes. that god will take our children back when he wants them. they aren't truly 'ours' but HIS children. IF you can live your life and believe that it makes it a bit easier. i have never had any issues with believing that. i know they are not mine. they are his. and what an awesome gift we have been given to be given these precious little babies.

because, for me, i know i do not deserve my children. i do not deserve to be blessed by having four of them here on earth and one little baby in heaven. i do not deserve to even think about adding MORE to our family.

BUT

GOD.

he chooses to bless me even though i do not deserve ANY of it. at all.

so even though i fail tremendously. he blesses me.

even though i stumble. he blesses me.

even though i'm human. he blesses me.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. ((john 3:16))

god HIMSELF gave up his ONLY, his ONLY ONLY ONLIEST son. so I, ME, silly ME?? can live!!??! forever. in heaven.

talk about sacrifice. talk about a father. talk about love.