i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Monday, May 18, 2009

UPDATED:prayer request please.

UPDATE AT BOTTOM...because that way you know what was all going on before if you haven't already. :0)

if you've come looking for a fantastically written 'not me monday' post. i'm sorry to tell you there won't be one.


what i do have for you all is a prayer request. for me. and our baby. i fear i am miscarrying. it started saturday with some spotting. and increased yesterday morning with some bleeding and clotting. today it hasn't changed. in fact today the clotting has gotten a bit worse. i passed some clots/tissue earlier that was a decent size. when i talked to the nurse this morning she said to call if i passed a bigger clot. so i called. they asked me to bring that tissue/clot in when i come in later for an ultrasound. so yes i have an ultrasound later. at four fifteen. so please just pray for that. i have seen online cases of women clotting and carry a baby to full term. i've also seen cases of women clotting and miscarrying the baby. so either way i ask for your prayers. to protect the precious baby or to protect my heart.

i did actually go to the er in town yesterday. big mistake. i don't know why i continue to go there. the dr. and nurse were fine. it's just the limited resources they have to use. apparently they don't always hava an ultrasound tech on call. yesterday was one of those days. so in a sense we'll have wasted 200 bucks on a co-pay to tell me my vitals. (i'm healthy that way) that's so irritiating. we decided to not go to the other er available yesterday. i was so drained the way it was.

i did talk to an ob/gyn doctor on the phone yesterday as well. she is a newer doctor i think. but i was not impressed at all. she didn't help me out much and almost made me feel as if i was bugging her on her day 'off'. she acted like 'oh this happens' type of thing and that i 'could' be happening to me so we should just wait. wait. you tell a woman who is thinking she's miscarrying her baby to wait it out and see how far you get. i just wanted to know if i was or wasn't. i KNOW i can't change it if it was happening, but at least i'd have the piece of mind and know. i feel that way i could 'grieve' the way i need to. she did call me back after hanging up and say i could go to the er for an ultrasound if i wanted to. i was just really frustrated with her and feel that she could've handled the situation a LOT differently. A LOT. i understand women miscarry. i get that. what i don't get is how she could be insensitive to that fact. that is one of the reasons i LOVE my doctor. when we miscarried our first baby i could see the pain in HER eyes to have to tell me that. i could hear the hurt in her voice. i knew she was geniuinely sorry to have to tell us. the woman yesterday was none of those things. i understand as an ob doctor miscarriage is a 'thing' of the job. BUT each miscarriage IS A BABY. someone's baby. so i don't understand how you could become 'cold' to that fact.

i must say yesterday in the er the doctor did try to do a belly scan on me. he couldn't see anything. but i am not far enough along to see something well on the belly. the other option for the ultrasound was not available. when he talked to me he was saying how he has to look at things from a medical perspective and he can't from the 'other side'. although he's been there, he went on to share with me about his wife's two miscarriages. he said he has to be medical and went on to say how really each pregnancy is so different and what something means for someone it doesn't always mean it for someone else. but you know what he called my baby when he talked about all those things. BABY. he called it a BABY. it blessed me to have someone from the 'medical perspective' call my baby a baby. he could've easily said 'fetus' 'embryo' whatever. but he choose baby. because that is what it is. a baby. MY baby. OUR baby. GOD'S baby.

and because it is GOD'S baby first. i must realize that he may want it back sooner than i thought. a lot sooner. god gives us our babies. and he also takes our babies. i look at each of my children as a blessing and on 'loan' if you will, from god. we must realize that. that they are his children not ours. as a mommy that is sometimes a hard thing to do or realize, but i can say with all my heart and confidence that is how i feel.

god's plans are NOT my plans. and my plans are not god's plans. his plans are going to be the ones to play out in my life. i can sit and try to plan things. but if they aren't in his plans my plans won't be happening. god ultimately is the author and the finisher of our lives. he says yes. he says no. he says wait.

i truly don't know what we'll find out at the ultrasound today. my heart wants us to see our little baby and feel so thankful to god for answer my prayer. my mind keeps telling me that we may not see our little baby. and my heart still says to be thankful.

so thankful that last thursday i was blessed to see my baby alive. a heart beating inside of me. so thankful that i have a picture of my little baby. so thankful that i was given almost a month of knowledge about this baby inside of me. so thankful that this baby will forever be etched in my mind, heart and part of our family.

then i think about everyone who knows about this baby. and wonder if in fact this baby has beat us to heaven if the story will fly around as fast as the pregnancy did. i couldn't believe it actually how fast people knew.

then i wonder. now what are people going to say. 'oh it's a blessing in disguise'. ummm i don't think blessings wear disguises. is it a blessing when a perfectly healthy baby dies? no. do i think it's a blessing when a not so healthy baby dies? no. i don't think it's any sort of 'blessing' when anyone dies. whoever came up with that? okay sure. i understand the 'oh they were suffering' part, but it then maybe is a 'blessing' to that person who died, not to the people who are still alive and have to hear that. so i do not want to hear 'it's a blessing in disguise'. because i do not find it as one. at all.

what do i find this as? as god's plan. if it is his plan to allow this baby to not take a breath on earth. then so be it. if it his plan to allow this baby to live. then so be it. i am not in control he is. and for that i am also thankful.

if you choose to comment you will have noticed that i opened up anon comments again. i did this because i know i told a lot of family and friends about this blog. so if you feel so led to leave a comment do so. if you feel so inclined to be mean. go ahead. there were mean people willing to leave a comment when we announced this baby, so i'm sure there will be mean people willing to share how they feel about this. let me say it won't affect me much today. and probably for awhile. i feel numb to a lot of it right now. and i don't even know the results. one thing i do ask, if you decide to be not so nice to me, leave an email. or someway to contact you. because i don't want to have to put the rest of my blogging buddies through reading yet another 'clarification' post. 99.99 percent of you don't deserve to have to read the clarifications i have had. so i will do my best to not have to do things like that. but i must if anyone who posts anon. isn't man or woman enough to leave info. go ahead and express your feelings, but own up to them.

i own up to mine. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't upset by this. i am upset. not mad. just sad. i think it's okay to be sad. in fact jesus himself cried. it's okay to cry. so i do. and have. and feel better when i'm done. i don't want anything but your prayers through this. because it's the prayers of you guys that will help. along with the word of god. and god's good grace and love.

i hope this ramble of emotions makes sense. and will explain my lack of commenting. i just don't feel 'up' to it. i feel up to snuggling with my babies a little bit longer. i feel up to just praying and continue to trust in my savior.

i'll try to update something as soon as i can. or feel up to it.

when we found out we were pregnant a song instantly popped into my head by 'matt redman'. blessed be your name. here are the lyrics::

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

those are the lines that are running through my heart right now. he gives and he takes away. but MY HEART WILL CHOOSE TO SAY: BLESSED BE HIS NAME. god is still good. he still is on his throne. he has not changed. and will remain the same. it's my hearts choice to believe and trust that. and my friends. i do. whole heartedly. i do. my heart chooses to say blessed be HIS name.

so thanks guys. for your prayers. and your love. i know that god will see us through this all.

and shaun...he's doing okay with it. we've cried and talked about it. and it's so nice to have a husband to do those things with. praise god for that as well.

so that's that. please pray. and thanks. and i'll try to update later.

UPDATE:
first off i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart, and shaun's and the kiddos. unfortunately the ultrasound showed what i had expected it to. i went into it with minimal expectations, but also set myself up for the 'worst' as well.

as i carried in the 'tissue/clot' i passed in a plastic baggie i wondered if i was also carrying my baby.

the ultrasound tech was a tech that i have had before, and love. so i was kind of glad for that. she said after seeing the bright red color of the blood clot/tissue i brought in that it usually isn't good. but she always holds out hope because she's seen it go 'both ways'.

she measured all the other 'stuff' before looking for baby. but as soon as i saw the picture on the screen i knew. i knew that what i had felt come out of me and what i lovingly took out of the toilet was probably my baby. there was nothing on the screen.

mindy sighed a heavy sigh as she told me. i looked at her and said it's okay. she said, no it's not. (as in it's not okay to lose a baby) i was blessed by that. but i also said at least i got to see my baby's heartbeat last week.

my doctor came in awhile later to talk over stuff with us. she said she is pretty sure she felt a 'sac' but did not want to break it open so that way pathology or whoever can do their testing on it.

so you know, in a way i had a prayer answered. one of my prayers to god was that i could hold my baby in my arms here on earth. i had not expected him to answer my prayer in this way. but i did. i got to hold my baby. as tiny as that baby was i got to hold it. and you know i told it how much i loved it. sure i didn't expect to have to hand it over to someone in a ziploc baggie. but i have peace over knowing that i did in fact hold my baby.

so god answers our prayers. just in ways we weren't expecting him to. and i'm fine with it. because like i said i was blessed last week to SEE my baby's heartbeat and today i was blessed enough to hold my baby.

someone who hasn't gone through something like this may not know what to say. and it's okay to not know what to say. to tell you the truth, i'd rather have you say nothing at all. just a hug, or a virtual hug is fine with me. to know that you prayed and continue to pray is fine with me. for you to know i'm going to be okay is good for me too.

because i will be. i will be okay. sure i'll cry. i'll sob. but i'll be okay. because...jesus sustains me.

it was so cool to me, as we were driving home from the dr shaun looked at me with tears in his eyes and asked if this one seemed harder. i nodded and said yes. and then we sat in silence a bit.

we had our first miscarriage before we had any other kids. i don't know if that is what makes this one harder...like before we had kids we tried to think of what it would be like. and when we miscarried the first time we knew we had lost a baby we loved tremendously. BUT now after having the four beautiful babies i have, i think it makes it harder because i know how much we're missing out on. does that make sense? before we didn't know the joy of having a baby layed on your chest after birth. or how it feels to have the doctor come in and say...i just took a look at your daughter/son.

this time i know all those joyous feelings first hand. and i cry because i don't get those with this baby. that's what makes me sad. so sad. so stinkin sad.

i don't know. i'm a mess of emotions. but one thing that doesn't change, and won't ever change is god. i know that his plans are perfect. mine aren't. so i trust and know that he knows what he is doing and that he sees the entire picture. i see a dab of his paintbrush, he sees the masterpiece.

i told amelya about the baby. i think she gets it. we talked about how this baby went to heaven. she asked me why. i didn't know how to quite answer her, but said, sometimes god wants our babies first. before bed she asked what i named the baby. i said i don't know, what should we name it? she decided on otis, from the barnyard movie. :0) she makes me smile.

thanks guys for your prayers. know as i layed on the ultrasound table i felt the prayers of you guys. i felt completely at peace. completely. so thanks. so much. so so so much. you do not know how grateful i am.

this is all for today. i don't know if i'll post tomorrow, or the day after that. i need this all to 'seem real' for me. it doesn't yet. at all. but yet i know it is. i just need to grieve for the baby. because it was a baby. not just a fetus or embryo but a baby. my baby. our baby. god's baby.



85 loving words from you.:

Following Him said...

Please know that I am praying for you and Shaun. Praying for the health and care of baby e too! Hang in there Amanda!
~Elyse

The Beaver Bunch said...

Praying for your & Shaun and the baby.

Praying for you to find peace and for God's will to penetrate your heart and give you unspeakable joy, even in the rough times.

"Every blessing you pour out I'll, turn back to praise!"

My favorite line in the that whole song. Sometimes, we see only the good as a blessing. (And I'm not saying this is a blessing in disguise, b/c that's a crock.) What I AM saying is that, nomatter the outcome, this Baby IS a blessing. Whether his/her life on this earth, drawing breath blesses you, or whether his/her life only in your womb blesses you by drawing you closer to a healing God. Either way, be blessed my friend, and take comfort in the One who can provide unspeakable peace and joy.

April said...

I will be thinking of you today. I hope you are able to find a way to ease your mind this afternoon. Keep us posting...
praying,

Ashley said...

I don't know if there is anything that I can say that will make you feel better, but know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Amanda, you are such a strong person and you can see that through every post you write! You are unconditionally in love with God and it shows! No matter what the outcome (and you know what all your blogger buddies are praying for!) we all know that you will come through it with your faith intact. Always know that I'm here for you!

Veronica said...

Amanda,

Even though we just "met" last week, my heart is hurting with you today as if I've know you for a long time. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today.

With love,
Veronica

Beth said...

Thinking of you........

C.C. and Double T said...

Amanda,

I am praying for you, and I will pass this along in every way I can so that more people are praying for you. Praise God for how you are bringing Him glory through your attitude of praise, even in this most difficult of circumstances!

Your friend,
C.C.

Jennifer said...

I am praying for you and your family right now. I am so sorry you have to go through this right now. May God wrap his arms around you right now and fill you with peace and strength. God bless.

~*Michelle*~ said...

You know you are on my heart always.....and my heart is broken for you. But I know you have Our Savior to carry you through this journey...

xox

Stephanie said...

Praying hon! Let me know how it goes. Hugs!

Booklover1212 said...

Please know that I am keeping you & your precious baby in my prayers.

S.L.P said...

Amanda, I am SO sorry you are going through this. Numb is exactly how I felt while we were going through our miscarriage. I sincerely hope you get good news today at the doctor!!! If you don't I pray God's peace over you as your grieve. I ask God's Agape love over you and your family. I feel that love for you!

-stephanie- said...

Praying for peace. HUGS

Megan R. said...

I debated a long time before posting this. I don't want to get your hopes up, and have it not turn out the same, but then I wanted you to still have hope. I felt torn.

I just wanted to let you know with Carson at about 11.5 weeks, I started bleeding. Like... hemmoraging. I stood up, and the couch was covered in blood. Being my first pregnancy, I was absolutely inconsolable. I could barely stay calm enough to talk to the nurse. When I went in that afternoon for the u/s, I had already convinced myself that I had miscarried, and was trying to start the grieving process.

When they did the u/s, I could hardly look at the screen. The tech said, there is the baby! And I asked if the baby was alive. She said to look up, and there the little bean was, bouncing all around. I was so relieved and overcome, I started sobbing. I was SO sure I had miscarried.

It turns out that I had a subchorionic hematoma, which is a fancy way of saying a blood clot on the placenta. While it didn't affect that baby at ALL, it caused very very heavy bleeding for me. Horrifically scary and stressful, but it turned out ok.

So, it IS possible for things to turn out ok. I will be praying for you this afternoon, and really hope that the u/s has the results you are hoping for. I am sending virtual hugs your way, and of course I am here to talk if you need to.

Kelli said...

Amanda, I don't really have any words....except that I am so sad that you are having to go through this! Stay strong and know that a bunch of people are lifting you and your baby up in prayer! I will continue to pray for and think of you today!

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

I'm so sorry to hear. I will definitely be praying. And you are right, Blessed be the Name of the Lord. May we never forget it. Thank you for that great reminder today in the midst of your pain. Take care my sweet friend!

Oh Boy...Oh Boy...Oh Boy said...

I'm sorry you have been having to wait. I hope you can get some sort of answer today, of course, I HOPE it's good news. But as you said I pray for peace for you no matter what the news is.

Mama Notes said...

praying for you...

ASHLEY said...

so sorry to hear this news....i hope everything turns out o.k. i had a miscarriage before i got pregnant with my daughter and it hurt me to the core. i lost my baby, a baby that i wanted so desperatly. i still miss that baby so much. i hope you recieve good news today. i don't want you to have to hurt the way i did. praying peace for you and your family.

ashleyjnc said...

Miss Amanda,
I am so very sad for you. Please let us know if you are okay. However, do not lose hope, I know you are trying to protect your heart from anguish and I would be too, but your baby could still be alive and well, remember that He can perform miracles.

Ashley

heidi said...

(((amanda)))

Alicia said...

I'll be praying, my friend!!

Just keep trusting in the Lord!!!!

Love,
Alicia

Hey Mama where's my... said...

oh amanda, i am so sorry, we will keep you in our prayers!

Jeffiner said...

You're so right; God is still on the throne. Praying for you....keep us posted, friend.

Stephanie said...

Our God is a God of power and healing. He "forgives our sins and heals our diseases".

I pray for the peace that passes all understanding to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.

Nikki said...

Amanda~ In my heart, I am carrying hope and prayers for you and Baby E. *HUGS*

Mom2Valerie said...

oh dear, i already began praying for you and am putting your need before our God...so glad you know Him and can rest in Him right now, but praying you have comfort and peace no matter what the outcome. praying, praying, praying without ceasing...

Amelia said...

Praying for you and your sweet baby today. How wonderful that God has given you such wisdom even in the middle of a storm. Praying praying praying.

Maggie said...

There are no words...I love you, share in your emotions,and will pray,pray,pray.

Lara said...

Praying. Sorry you are having to go through this scary time!

mummyof5monsters said...

i am praying for you.and your baby xx I lost my #4 angel baby in march, mummy never forgets.

Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace said...

I'm so sorry you are going through this right now...praying for you, your sweet baby, and your family. May God comfort and carry you...whatever lies ahead. I love the song Blessed Be His Name...and the scriptures that inspired the song. Perfect words...

Praying God's continued comfort and sufficient grace for you and your family...

In His Grace,
Kelly Gerken
Sufficient Grace Ministries
http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com
www.sufficientgrace.net

Stephanie said...

Amanda, you are in my thoughts and prayers right now. I hope that your ultrasound gave you good news.

Martha said...

I've heard many stories about people bleeding during their pregnancies and thinking they were having their periods. I will definitely keep your family in my prayers. Remain hopeful and keep praying to the Lord to guide your family through this, lets pray this is merely a false alarm. Love you!! <3 Martha

Sparkette said...

Amanda and Family,

Sorry to hear about this. Our family is praying for you!

The Kilowatts

A little piece of 7th heaven said...

Amanda,
So sorry for what you are having to go through right now..
Just know I am praying for you..
Annmarie

The Johnson Family said...

Praying for you and your family. Let me know if there is anyway we can help out.

Jess said...

Oh Amanda I am praying with absolutely everything I have! Please please update asap we love you over here!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this :(. We will be praying!!!

Meg said...

Oh dear, I am sending you the biggest hug and a shoulder to rest your head on.

I am praying for you tonight!

Carrie said...

My heart is heavy for you...I am praying that everything works out just as God intends. <3

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

Praying, praying, praying for you, sweetie.

Sneaky Momma said...

Praying that Baby E is safe and sound. Keeping your family in my thoughts, Amanda.

Jessi said...

Praying hard for you and your family and your sweet baby.
Blessings.

Anonymous said...

You are definitely in my mind and prayers today. I hope and pray the outcome of the ultrasound is that baby E is safe and sound. My sister-in-law had lots of problems with bleeding (yes, including clots)with two of her three children, but she didn't miscarry, so it can happen. I just hope this is the case for you.

Amy (in CO)

Mom2Valerie said...

sending you a "virtual" hug and continuing to pray that God will hold you and be your strength at this time...

-stephanie- said...

Awww Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm crying with you.

It totally makes sense that this one was harder to go through. I get it.

Otis... I love it!

Kelli said...

Amanda- you are an amazing woman and I'm truly sorry. Your faith in God amazes me everyday. Please remember that if you need anything I would be more than willing to help you, I really don't know what else to say to you besides I'm glad you got to hold your tiny child even if it was for a short time. This is probably all the wrong stuff to say to you at this time so I should probably stop typing. Thank you for sharing this with us and I look forward to spending more time with your beautiful family!!

Oh Boy...Oh Boy...Oh Boy said...

I'm sorry for your loss.
But what an amazing blessing that not only did you get an answer to your prayer but that you are able to see it as that at this point!!!!!!!!!!!
I can totally understand about how this would be harder. I went through 2 losses (unfortunately one was actually elective) before having kids and while I haven't had any since my first earthly child was born, I know how fresh the pain was after his birth. While I was filled with joy for all he was, I mourned the thoughts of what his siblings would have been.

Kelli said...

Amanda...I just read the update...and I am so sorry that the outcome wasn't better. You are such a great mommy, and all your babies are lucky to have such a great mommy! I love the name Amelya picked out...and I'm glad it made you smile! Keep us posted on how you are doing...and I will keep praying for you and your whole family!

Lara said...

I'm with no words except you and yours are in my prayers. Virtual hugs and I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray for everyone involved to heal in all ways!

catrine said...

Amanda - you and Shaun are in my thoughts and prayers. I am in awe of your perspective and strength.

-- Catrine

Amelia said...

Sending you a hug sweet Amanda. You reached out to me when you read of my loss a few months back and I pray that you will find the same comfort in my words and the words of others who care about you. But most of all, I pray that you will find comfort in the arms of Jesus who loves your darling baby so very much.

Nikki said...

*HUGS*

The Lang Family said...

Sending you lots of hugs. I'm so amazed at how you can have such peace, and I admire how strong your faith is. Still praying for you. For your continued peace.

Angelwingsbaby said...

I am so sorry ((hugs))

waitingarms said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
waitingarms said...

So sorry about Baby Otis. From one mommy to another whose little one God also called home while still in utero, I am praying that God's loving arms may be so evident during this season as He grieves with you and comforts you.

C.C. and Double T said...

I am so sorry. Continuing to pray for you and your family.

~*Michelle*~ said...

Oh my sweet sister, Amanda......I am so sad. You know I know the pain and yes, you are right....it seems to hurt even more after you *know* that love.

We fall in love as soon as we see that second line, don't we?

I will keep you in prayer.....I know you have found refuge in Him.

This blew my socks off
" i see a dab of his paintbrush, he sees the masterpiece. "

What an amazing testimony to God's grace and comfort.

{{{hugs}}}
xox
*~Michelle~*

April said...

Absolute *hugs*

I know how much I love my son, so I can only imagine the pain of losing a baby. You will be in my thoughts.

Jennifer said...

God is a jealous God. I guess he wanted that baby up in Heaven more than down here on Earth. Baby Otis :)is up there playing with your first one. God bless you and your family. {{{hugs}}}

ASHLEY said...

sorry to hear this outcome.......praying peace and understanding for you and your husband.

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Oh Amanda... I was waiting for this update... and I'm so sorry :(. I know you will be reunited with your child one day in heaven. What a glorious day that will be!

agk11808 said...

hey big sis. I really don't know what to say as I wipe my eyes...but you know I am always here for you and yours. Hugs all around, and for my nephew Otis (amelya told me it was a boy at JD's). We are here for you :) Love you lots!
Amy and Grant

The Johnson Family said...

*HUGS* Continue to pray for your family. Baby Otis will always be thought of everytime I look at my son Otis. Hang in there, we are all here for you!

Julie said...

Amanda,
I am SO sorry. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I'm glad that you have a healthy outlook, but it doesn't make it any easier. You and your family are in my prayers. Sending you oodles of virtual hugs.

Following Him said...

Tears are rolling down my face for you, Shaun, and the entire family. My heart breaks for you all as you have to experiance this pain and hardship right now! Please know that I am sending prayers and hugs to you!
~Elyse

Beth said...

So sorry...sending hugs and prayers!

Proud Grandma of 8 and loving it said...

Words cannot express how my heart aches for you and your family. I pray that God will heal your mind and body as only He can. I too have experienced this pain. With having Six sons always wondered if the baby would've been my daughter which I wanted so bad. Now God has blessed me with 4 wonderful daughter in laws. God had a plan for me as he does us all.
Love to you all
Monica ( Rustic)

Anna said...

Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you and your family.

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

You and your family are in my prayers, sweet friend.

Emily said...

I am just catching up and I am so sorry Amanda! I will be praying that you will find peace and everything will be alright!

Meg said...

just read your update. I am soooo sorry. I am glad that you have some comfort in all this. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

Sneaky Momma said...

I'm so sorry to hear about this. I'm glad that you got to hold your baby and that you were able to see it's little heartbeat last week. You and your family (Otis, too-Amelya's such a cutie) are in my prayers.

Mama Notes said...

I'm so sorry Amanda.You are a strong women.. I'm sending you a hug. :) Praying for you as always, take care of yourself

Martha said...

Oh honey, I am so sorry :( in a way, your experience slapped me across the face and made me realize that I have no reason to be holding a pity party. Your bravery is impressing my socks off and I admire you so much!!!!

To be honest with you, I found myself feeling jealous that you were pregnant while I was struggling to conceive with my second child. I'm truly sorry for that and I hope you can forgive me!

((Hugs you tightly)) We love you!

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

im very sorry for your loss of baby e. like you said, having not gone through it, i can honestly say i have no idea what would be comforting. please know there are many people around you that will support you in this time.

Jessi said...

Sending you lots of hugs and prayers.

Ami said...

I just got over here and read the whole post. I'm so sorry. I've been there... twice, too. The song you shared was one that nearly killed me to sing the first week at church after my first loss. I'd sang it so many times before... but that Sunday, I just stood in the sanctuary with tears streaming down my cheeks b/c I was not ready to sing those words to God. Ultimately, that has become one of my favorite praise songs. Because it is a choice to continue to praise in the difficult times - my heart will CHOOSE to say, Lord blessed be Your Name! Just so wonderful that even in our times of deepest sorrow, He can and does sustain us. I'm praying for you, and will continue in the coming days and weeks. I know we don't actually 'know' each other, but if you need to share with someone 'anonymous' who knows, feel free to e-mail me.

Jessica said...

I am so sorry to hear this! I just found your blog today.

I hope that you & your husband, as well as the rest of the family, continue to find peace and strength in knowing things will be OK.

E @ Scottsville said...

Amanda...

I actually came over here to congratulate you on your win over at Stephanie's blog. I think it was Steph's blog. Now I dont' even remember for sure.

But I got here and started reading. Your 'win' is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

I do not "know" you, yet I sat here and cried with you and for you. As a Mommy who knows the joy our children bring, but who has never experienced that loss (Praise God!), I can only begin to imagine what it must feel like.

But I sat here thinking "everyone things we bloggers are nuts!" yet we're not. THIS is what its all about, Amanda. Being able to vent our feelings, share with other mommies, pray for complete strangers in need, and meet 'friends' and 'sisters in Christ'.

I, my friend, am PRAYING FOR YOU and your family. {{{hugs}}}

Hang in there and keep venting to us, your readers! We will be here to pray from afar and hold your hand via a mouse, a keyboard, and a monitor!

3 Bay B Chicks said...

Oh, sweetie. Your post absolutely broke my heart. I am so sorry to read about what you and Shaun are going through.

Your entire family is in my prayers. All the best to you.

-Francesca

He And Me + 3 said...

Amanda,

I am not really sure how I missed this post. I am so sorry. I have big tears for your loss. I have been there. I lost my 4th baby at about 7 weeks along. Our babies are resting in their Heavenly Father's arms waiting for us to get there and hold them. What a day that will be. Praying for you & Shaun.
Hugs dear friend.
Mimi

Margaret said...

Hi:)

Someone shared your blog with me and told me to read this post. I just lost my baby this past weekend. It wasn't my first miscarriage, but it was harder on me than the first one. Thanks for writing what you wrote. It was encouraging!