i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

today.

so i have only a few minutes to post. i've been up alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll morning. since like five. with a crying baby. then sleep for a bit. then cry for a long time. then sleep. cry. and now he's sleeping again. it's been a long morning. breigh is content with sesame street for right now. and the other girlies are asleep yet.

i got my ultrasound moved to today. i actually called yesterday because i had two people ask me about progesterone levels and if they were 'good' or 'bad'. ((i had them tested last week. the level was 'okay'. not as high as it 'should' be, but definitely not 'bad' either...it was 10.93. i have not had it tested since last week))

because two completely different people asked me about it, i decided to call. only because then i would feel better and not wonder. well my dr. is on vacation or something. so the dr. on call ((who i've only heard GOOD things about...*whew*)) said 'the numbers aren't rising appropriately...you can come in earlier for an ultrasound to check viability'

the nurse who called me was super nice. and called me hun. sometimes that weirds me out, but it didn't with her. so i got in. today. at one.

it's so crazy. because since i found out i've been struggling with feeling SO scared. i have not felt scared this entire time. i know it's only 'fear' from the enemy. but it's still there. i just keep praying. and praying some more.

you know how you always dream what you're thinking about? well since yesterday all i've been thinking about is finding out bad results at the ultrasound today. to tell you the truth...i'm 'preparing' myself for that...only because then it will be 'easier' to hear...

well last night i had at least two dreams about the ultrasound. except...they were GOOD results. the one the ultrasound tech started crying and pointing out how we could see the heartbeat! and the other dream was that there were heartbeatS. twins. now i guess that is a bit of a scary dream too...lol. not that i wouldn't take twins. it would just take awhile to get used to the thought. scary maybe isn't the 'right' word, but the only word that came to me.

so it was just so nice to have 'good' dreams about it. in fact anytime i've dreamt about this baby it's always been good. i'm not saying that means anything. but it's also been really nice to dream something good. you know?

regardless of the results today...god is still so so good. he's still so faithful to me. and to you. he's also still so loving. and when i get 'home' to him...i'll see the full picture he sees and 'get' all of this. i'll be able to understand the 'why' of things. and i'll be shown even moreso the love of my father.

it's an awesome love. it's a love NO ONE else shows me. not even shaun. because as great, and awesome and sweet and loving shaun is. he's still human. he still fails me. as i do him. but god doesn't. and won't. so i continue to rest in his arms and not let the enemy get a foot hold of my heart and emotions. because anything the enemy brings is not good. at all. and everything god bring is good. all good. all the time.

so thanks for the continued prayers. i will try to update later on the ultrasound. and with that i'm done. the girls are now all awake and diapers and clothes are calling to be changed. ;0)

18 loving words from you.:

Veronica said...

Good morning! I was just thinking about you yesterday wondering why they were making you wait until next week for the ultrasound. I am so glad that the appointment is today instead! That is amazing about the dreams you've been having. I gave me chills to read about the idea of twins. Have you ever read other people's stories of how after a miscarriage the Lord blessed them with twins? Isn't that wild?

Well, I just wanted to let you know that I will be praying this morning that you'll have peace! :)

Love ya!
Sending even more hugs...
Ver

P.S. You're not the only one who gets weirded out when people call them hon. I especially can't stand it when someone I don't even know calls me that!

Lisa said...

BIG prayers that you get some wonderful news today! My Dr would supplement with progesterone that low.

Kelli @ RTSM said...

My little guy has been waking up extra early lately for some reason too! It makes for a SUPER long day with the kiddos when the day starts at 5 am! I hope everything goes well at you appointment and that you get some great news.

Jessica said...

Still praying......

Stephanie said...

You're in my thoughts today! Keep us updated as to how things are...praying everything goes well!

Hugs!

Meg said...

Ah early mornings are the worst!!!

I shall keep you in my thoughts and prayers today!

One for the little britches to feel better so that you can rest and two for the little angel in womb. All my positive thoughts are with you!

Verna said...

Our prayers and thoughts are with you today.

ASHLEY said...

praying for you

Emmalie and Aidan's Mom said...

Good luck today Amanda, I hope you get good news, but if not, we're here for you, whatever you need.

Jane Anne said...

Just said a prayer for you. Your words were encouraging - what a wonderful reminder! God is good to me and faithful everyday. That was good to read.

Lara said...

glad you got in. it's great that you can see what's going on today and not have to wait until next week. more than just a coinsidence (*sp) i think:) prayers!

~*Michelle*~ said...

{{{hugs}}}

I think it was Mimi that said that Jesus is still in the miracle business, just like He was 2000 years ago.....and that is what I am holding out for....

miraculous news!

Sneaky Momma said...

Thinking of you....have said a prayer. :)

E @ Scottsville said...

Amanda, I'm sorry to JUST NOW Be popping in. (see how I stole your name there?)

I read up and got all caught up on your status yesterday, but due to some turmoil or chaos in my own life, I never got the time to comment. So I'm back today to tell you that I'm praying for you while you are at your Ultrasound today. I'm awaiting the news along with the rest of your bloggy-friends!

Let us know how it goes.

{hugs}

He & Me + 3 said...

Praying that all went well my friend. WAiting for the update.

Jennifer W. said...

I'm a little late reading this...you've probably already gone for the ultrasound. I've already been praying for you since your last post, though, and I continue to pray that things are ok! I'm waiting for an update!
Jen

christy rose said...

I am continuing to pray as well and awaiting your update too. I love how you ended your post about God's love never fails you and you are resting in His arms. You can be secure knowing that everything that He brings is good ALWAYS!
Christy

Carrie said...

First time commentor here...I just wanted to let you know that I have praying for you and your unborn baby since I read your post yesterday. I love reading your blog...your kids are adorable and you are so "real" and down-to-earth :) God Bless You! (and your family too!!)