i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Monday, September 28, 2009

the winner {finally} and randomness

well first off...i totally apologize that i did not reveal my winner of the sloppy joe mix giveaway on friday. i'll be honest...i totally and completely forgot. {more on that later} so to the winner.

i used random.org. it gave me number 11. number 11 belonged to maire. i met maire a few months ago and it's been a lot of fun getting to know her. she's a super cool friend. and i'm super excited to send her some sloppy joe mix. so maire...email me your address. for those of you totally bummed. feel free to check out my site and get your own sloppy joe mix or whatever else makes you all warm and fuzzy. i wish i could give you all some!! but i can't. sorry. maybe when i get to be a big wig leader i will. so that's a promise. when i hit team leader status i'll buy anyone who wants one a sloppy joe mix. :0) that means i only need two people with me selling and a minimum in sales of 3500 all together. we could do that easy!! so if you, yourself are perhaps interested in earning some extra income and joining my team please let me know. and you don't have to be from here to be a part of it. anyone, anywhere can join me. :0)

so congrats again maire!!

hmmm. where do i start?

last time we 'talked' i shared with you my exciting news. well i did think, and still do think it's super exciting to know i have a son. and i was super blessed by all of your comments expressing the same thing. it was so cool to me to be able to share something so special and personal with you guys and to have you all as excited as me. most of you i'll probably never meet, yet you got excited with me. that means A LOT. in fact, more than you'll ever know.

we decided to do the chromosome testing. we had our blood taken this morning. we prayed and talked a lot about our decision. it wasn't one that was made flippantly. we talked about if it would 'matter' if something is 'wrong'. we talked about why or why not? and in the end we both felt at peace with our choice not to. to be honest if shaun would've said no, let's not. we wouldn't have. i wanted it to be OUR choice. not mine. not his. not anyone else's. but ours. and ours it was.

as we wait for the results, we continue to wait on the lord. knowing his plan is good and perfect. and as we hash out the results, that we don't even know, we contemplate 'where to go' if something is wrong. we've talked about not seeing the genetic counselor if something is wrong. we've talked about seeing a genetic counselor if something is wrong. we've asked ourselves does it matter? are we going to base our choice on something 'science' has told us? to me if something is wrong i don't feel the urge to go hear our 'statistics'. that's really all they'd be. our statistic to have miscarriage out of every pregnancy. our statistic to have a healthy baby. an unhealthy baby. and that's where i feel...it doesn't matter. statistic or not...it's all god's plan. if we're meant to have another baby...we will. if we're not...we won't. i trust that god knows what he is doing.

so then, why, you may be wondering are we going through the testing? i'll tell you. :0) thanks for asking me so nicely why we choose that. thanks for not jumping on me and asking how in the world it's being paid for. thanks for respecting my choice. i firmly believe god's created everything in this world. in seven days even. i also firmly believe he's given people the technology and 'brains' to figure out stuff. i believe that he's blessed us with the opportunity to 'know' why this may be happening. i know that i will never 'understand' why this has happened. but to know why it's happened gives me a sense of peace about it. is it going to change my stance on wanting more children? nope. is it going to make me question god's superiority? nope. is it going to change and shape and mold me? most definitely yes. it will. regardless of the results of this said 'test' i'm going to be changed. shaped. and molded. into what god wants me to be. not what i want me to be. or shaun wants me to be. or even what you want me to be. but what god wants me to be. and i'm excited for that. and in case you're wondering...we have super great insurance that authorized the testing and it's being paid for by them.

i'll be honest though. i was a mess of emotions the end of last week. someone finding out it was a boy made me the happiest and the saddest all at the same time. i cried some more. knowing it was a boy though made me so happy. i could put a general 'face' to a baby. if that makes sense. i was so blessed by knowing. it doesn't make me love him more than the other two babies in heaven, but it makes me feel like i know him a bit better than them. shaun and i have prayed about naming him as well. we both feel he needs a name. we're still praying/waiting/seeing what we are going to name him though. we also plan on buying something to remember the babies by. a precious friend gave us a white lilac bush in memory of our baby in may. we were so blessed by it. and i'm so excited to see it bloom, lord willing, this spring. we never thought of it for our first baby. so for that first baby and this little boy, we're going to buy something to remember them by. there's a tree in our front yard in memory of shaun's brother. there's a lilac bush to remember our angel baby in may. and now we'll think of something to plant in our yard for these babies. not that we 'need' something to plant. but it's such a nice way to remember them by. and to me it shows how they're still living, but only in heaven. their eternal home. that's truly the big picture.

we've been so busy with school stuff here as well. {how's that for transition?} amelya and i do school every day during nap time. we're learning letters and sounds. numbers. same. different. more. fewer. and on and on. i love watching her little mind work. and she's a sponge for the information. i'm worried i won't know what to teach her for kindergarten next year?!

breigh does school with us on days she doesn't nap. mainly she does practice writing worksheets. and same/different stuff. but she's just as excited to do school. so i'm all for it! i'm so blessed to be able to homeschool.

hmmm. i can't think of much else. except i noticed i have a whole bunch of new followers. hey! welcome. glad you stopped by and choose to follow. hope you come back and enjoy yourselves. i love to hear from you. but will admit, i've been very bad at making myself heard from!! i'm kind of a poo-ey bloggy friend lately. i'm sorry!!

so now that the kiddos are up from nap it's my time to be a 'mom' again. have a great rest of your monday. because it's a great day!!

13 loving words from you.:

Clementsville: Population of 4! said...

I'm so glad you are at peace with everything and able to put it all in His hands! I have prayed many nights for you and your family!

HOpe you have a blessed week Amanda!


www.clementsville.blogspot.com :)

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I am glad you are at peace. I think you made the decision that was right for you and your family. It is something that you have the right to know, isn't it? It wouldn't change whether you carried the child, but it is nice to know. And, you know that you have had 4 beautiful, healthy babies, and are capable of doing so. Hugs!

He & Me + 3 said...

I hope that they find the answers they need from the testing. So glad that you did what you thought best for your family. That is who it is all about. You and your sweet family!
Congrats to Marie.
Glad you are back:)

-stephanie- said...

It's good to hear from you. May God continue to guide you two through all this.

Great job with the homeschooling.

You have reason to be a "poo-ey" bloggy friend. Take care of yourself and family. We're always here.

Alicia said...

Hi Amanda!! I think the decision for the testing is between only you, your husband, and the Lord. If you have total peace about it, then that's all that matters!!

Either way, God will still get the glory in the end!!

Congrats to your giveaway winner, too!

Jennifer W. said...

You do what's best for you and your family. God will lead you
in how to handle the test results. If it were me, I would name the baby, I know that with absolute certainty. It would make him seem more real to me, ya know? And I love the idea of planting something special. I think it's an amazing way to remember someone. Still praying for you.

~*Michelle*~ said...

We've talked about this, and you know where I stand.....I stand on God's Word and Promise. His promise for hope and a beautiful *perfectly planned by Him* future for you, Shauna and your family. Testing will bring you peace and closure....and continuing to trust in the Ultimate Physician is exactly what you are doing!


Scrapingirl said...

I'm glad to see your back. Don't worry about teaching K. It's basically phonics, very simple math, Bible, and writing letters. No stress really.

Lara said...

i'm so glad to hear that you two made the decision and went ahead with the plans and are at peace with it. that's what's important. i know some may care "how you paid for it," but honestly that's none of their business. i think the memory tree/bush is such a nice idea. we've planted a tree for each of my four girls-- there's just something neat about connecting nature with our lives. thanks for sharing with us!

Maire said...

Yey!!! Thank you for the contest!!! Emailing you my addy. I'm happy that you are at peace with your choices and decision. The greatest blessing is how much you love and respect the life of all your babies.
Hugs Maire xoxo

E @ Scottsville said...

Hey, Amanda. Just dropped by for an update and to say a big hello!

I sure hope the test results come back 'good' and yet either way, at least you'll KNOW something. =0)

NO MATTER WHAT you're blessed to have four little ones running under foot here on earth so you can get old and gray by trying to keep up with them --- like me! =0)

Guess the others are running around under God's feet up there, huh?

{{hugs}} my friend!


April said...

I can imagine your decision didn't come lightly and you would have been in a whirlwind of emotions about the testing. I am glad that you both feel good about your decision! I kow that having the answers... really DO make things easier to process!

I gave your blog an award! Come check it out!

Scrapingirl said...

I've got an award for you!