i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Monday, October 12, 2009

sweet story

i've been meaning to share this story and keep forgetting.

the other week at church the kiddos drew pictures of heaven. i always try to talk to amelya about her work. i asked her what she drew and we talked about it. then she said this: i wanted to draw the babies. but i didn't know how.

i was speechless. (shocker!) i stared at her with tears in my eyes and said...oh amelya. thank you.

as i sat in the van thinking about it, i was so blessed. my four year old baby girl. remembered. she remembered my babies. her brother and brothers or sisters. and then it hit me as i thought about it over the next few days.

i'm not the only one who remembers. i'm not the only one who lost a baby. there were grandparents and a nana who lost grandchildren. aunties who lost nephew(s) and niece(s). sisters and a brother who lost a sister(s) and a brother(s). and a daddy who lost a son(s) and daughter(s). and a multitude of others who aren't closely related by blood..but still lost the chance at meeting our babies.

i realize. it's not only about me losing a baby. a whole bunch of other people did too. and then i feel sorry that i feel like no one remembers.

they do remember. they just don't sit around talking about the babies. they were all babies that we weren't blessed to meet. what is there 'really' to talk about. so then i sit quietly and thank god that even though words aren't spoken...hearts were broken just a little when we lost our babies. not in the exact same way, but hearts broke for us, for our family, for our babies. my loss is different then your loss. but a heart broken, is a heart broken. my life may be easier or harder than yours...but we all have hardships to face and have to realize it's not about us and our pity party...it's about giving it to christ and letting him have it. and take it. and hold you.

so i continue to rest in my father's sweet loving arms. and wait on him. for his ways are not my ways...but they are oh so good and perfect.

12 loving words from you.:

Jennifer said...

((Hugs)) to you and Amelya! How sweet of her.

My sister gave birth to my neice on Jan 3, 2000, @ 23 weeks. My neice only lived a couple of hours; not long enough for either my parents or myself to see her face.

But we remember Laina every Christmas. My mom started a tradition of making a Christmas stocking for each of the grandkids when my oldest was born. They are ornate and gorgeous and each a little different, just like the kids.

Laina's stocking has an angel on the front and it hangs on the bannister every Christmas with the rest.

We don't talk about her, much, but we remember. And that's okay.

Alicia, The Snowflake said...

Amen, my sweet sister in Christ! What a beautiful post! Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget others are suffering. We all have losses. And the joy in being the body of Christ is that we share in those losses. Thank you for that great reminder today. Praying for all of your sweet babies. Hope you have a beautiful day my friend!

Scrapingirl said...

Thanks for writing this. I never thought about this. I miscarried my first. I only think about myself and not about my parents who lost their first grandchild, or my sis and bro who lost their first neice or nephew. He/she is waiting for us up in Heaven. I am very excited to see him or her.

C.C. and Double T said...

That is so true. His ways are perfect.

Jennifer W. said...

Wow...what a sweet girl she is. And what a moving post. We can't always see outside the scope of our own pain to realize that others are hurting too-sometimes with us, sometimes for us. I am still praying for you and your family and healing. :)

Kelli @ RTSM said...

That is a SUPER sweet story! Thanks for this post Amanda...you always seem to have such amazing things to share with us!

Jessica said...

This is so beautiful, Amanda. I'm so glad to have read this story. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

He & Me + 3 said...

That is the sweetest story. What a precious girl you have there.

Lisa said...

So very, simply true.

Jessi said...

So sweet. Yes, others were touched by your babies and others do remember...I remember often and pray for your heartache.
I think having lost a brother and "sister" (we claim) to miscarriages has helped me in remembering and understanding. It is hard on all of the family and on friends. I think of my siblings often, my mom still remembers her babies and aches for them (years later)...and I think it's a good thing because it helps us ache for heaven.
Yes Amanda, people remember and people ache for you still even though we don't always know what to say...
Blessings and Prayers.

-stephanie- said...

Keeping you in prayer today. It's pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. HUGS!

On a lighter note, hubby loves the Wildtree spicy spices I bought. They are almost gone, so I'm sure another order is coming soon.

Martha said...

Aw what a precious story!! Thank you for sharing it with us, and you're right. Life is not about pity parties although we can't help hosting it :o) I'm here for you!