did you catch it?!?

did you?!

have you?!?

go look at the post below this and let me know. don't worry i'll wait til you get back....

...so did you now?!

:0) i love being sneaky. i love being a form of creative. and thought it was as creative as i could get.

here's a better way to explain...i'm...well...

i've known for almost an entire month now. hence the lack of posting. i've been wiped out tired with this pregnancy so far!!

so i'll start back at the beginning for all of you who love to know all the details...like i always do!!

a few days before my friend was due to arrive, i decided to buy some cheapo target brand sticks to pee on. after all, i am a self proclaimed pee on a stick-aholic. and for that very reason i didn't have any in my house, i didn't want to tempt myself. but i knew it was a very good possibility. i was at target. so i just bought some.

the next morning i tested. and waited. for the entire ten minutes. i went back in the bathroom and just wasn't sure. was there? or wasn't there? a second blue line. it was SO faint. so because it was a few days before anyways i waited to test again. on saturday i tested again. this time i had bought a digital test. this time it said not pregnant. so i was like what?! so again i waited. because of course it was still a few days before my little friend was due to arrive.

along comes saturday NIGHT. :0) i peed on a different stick this time. some other brand? not sure. and guess what. there WAS a second line. i was sure of it. i think. ;0) i just was in awe. and told shaun i was pretty sure that i was probably pregnant. so i waited again til morning to test yet again. :0)

the next morning was 'it'. it was for sure positive. i read the word. "the" word that changes everything PREGNANT.

so i told shaun i was really for sure pregnat. up to that point we had already been praying for the baby anyways, seeing the test was making it official.

i called my doctor right away on monday. she told me when i had the last miscarriage, she wanted to know right away because she would test my progesterone levels right away. and of course do the normal checking of the hcg levels. hcg is the pregnancy hormone your body makes and it 'normally' doubles every 48 hours in pregnancy.

so i went on monday morning right away and had it tested. monday afternoon my level came back at 65. and i found out tuesday my progesterone had come back at 21.73. wednesday i had my levels tested again. it was 193. woo hoo. everything was looking 'perfect'.

then wednesday night i went to the bathroom. and saw blood. not red scary blood. but blood. i was so scared. i immediately called nurse direct to see what they had to say. mainly because i just was so scared. to have 'that' happen again. three times in a row!?! i'll say wednesday was a rough rough night for me i cried and cried. and then...

then i remembered what god had been speaking to me since i started peeing on tests...trust. trust me. that's all he kept saying. and i realized that i had taken my eyes off of him, put them on myself and wham-o not trusting. the bleeding stopped by the next day and really was nothing much at all except when i wiped a few times. to be 'cautious' we did another hcg level on friday. on friday my level came back at 530. more than doubled again. god continued to show me how he was in control and i needed to just trust.

by the next week it was all sinking in about this pregnant thing. i was dead dog tired. and feeling sick. all awesome signs!! i was so excited to feel so sick. it continued through that week. last week came along...

...it was tuesday. and there was brown blood now. i called the doctor's office. i called because the first time i bled they said to call back if it came back or changed. so i figured i best call. i must say i LOVE the ob/gyn phone nurses. they never treat you like you're the over paranoid pregnant woman (that you probably are). she asked the 'routine' questions. and i answered yes to one of them. ((we had a date night a few days before and 'date night things' happened)) she assumed it was probably because of that. and after talking to the dr called back and said that if it changed or got worse to call back. by the end of the day it was gone.

on wednesday i had some red blood. i called, only because it had changed. and then i asked do i need to be calling so much? i only called because they told me to if it changed, and it changed. i also had an ultrasound scheduled for the next day.

so we waited til the next day. shaun came with me to the ultrasound. my sweet friend watched all the kiddos for me. i have to say this was the most nervous at peace i've ever been. that makes no sense at all. but as 'nervous' as i was, i was SO at peace. at peace with whatever the lord had for this visit.

i must also give a total 'side' note. during the weeks of this 'stuff' going on. want to know what we talked about at church?! god's PEACE. and god's HOPE. umm...think god was speaking to me? i do. totally and completely. what i think is even cooler is that we work through the bible at church chapter by chapter, verse by verse. so right where we are in the bible for church is right where god wanted me to be during this early stage of pregnancy. i just think it's SO cool!!

so as we walked back to the u/s room i got a little 'nervous'. it was the same room as last time where we saw nothing. but then i remembered it was also the same room that we saw dustin's heartbeat for the first time. it is strange how one little room can bring on such a wave of emotions. the u/s tech was one i have never had before, but was very nice. as she used the wand...which is nothing close to a 'wand'...i saw it. i saw a tiny little something. she stopped for half a second and said...do you see the little flicker? i did. i saw it. i saw my little baby's heart flickering away at me. she moved on to measure all the 'other' stuff. then came back to the baby. according to my cycle days i should've been six weeks three days. the baby measured at five weeks six days. so a few days off. the heartbeat was at 109. she said that the heart had probably just started beating within the past 24 hours. how amazing was/is that?! and just in case you wanted to know my cycle isn't a 'normal' length cycle, so being a few days 'off' is not a big concern to me. and wasn't too much to the dr i saw either.

i also cried. for the first time seeing a baby's heartbeat i cried. it's not that i was not as happy any of the other times. i was just so overwhelmed this time. i think i even saw shaun tearing up too. :0)

after the ultrasound i saw a different dr. mine was on vacation. and it made me so thankful for my dr, there was nothing 'wrong' with this dr but he was just so different from mine that i was glad mine is who she is. lol. he talked with us a little bit. said that the baby was a few days off of the schedule, but wasn't concerned. he looked at what my blood work had been the few weeks earlier. he then decided to just check on my progesterone, since it was low with my last miscarriage i think. i'm not really sure 'why' he wanted to check it. he also checked for something else that could cause miscarriage because he didn't see that it had been tested for.

so seven tubes of blood later i was done.

i got the call later in the afternoon about my progesterone levels. it was at 12.53. 12??!! what!? i will admit i freaked for a bit. my heart sunk. then i listened to the nurse telling me how i had to go on a progesterone suppository and we got that set up.

for the bit i freaked...i was overcome with god's peace again. god whispering in my ear...trust me, daughter, trust me. it's funny how he whispers...but i think he needs to because i need to quit throwing a fit to hear him.

so the next day i picked up my progesterone bullets. because that's what they look like! i was on 50mg two times a day. it's not the 'funnest' thing in the world. but not as bad as i thought it was going to be. shaun did freak a little when he saw them in the fridge the first time though! lol.

a day after the ultrasound i spotted again. but i didn't call. mainly because at the ultrasound we saw a pool of blood in there. so we're assuming that's where the bleeding was coming from. so it was nice to have a sense of maybe 'why' the bleeding had happened.

a day after starting the suppositories i noticed symptoms of a not so fun infection. i had to wait til monday to talk to the doctor about what to do for it. she gave me a pill to take one day. and then again three days later. she also suggested that i could put the suppositories where 'normal' suppositories may go instead to help a not so fun infection coming back. or i could go to shots.

the infection is feeling better. but not great. and i've tried to do them the other way. but i can't. i just can't bring myself to do it.

yesterday i had to get my progesterone levels tested again. i heard back around five from the dr's office. they were at 14 point something something. only 14? i knew it probably wasn't the 'best' BUT it hadn't gone down. and from what i read online depending on the dr is depending on what they'd 'like' to see. some it's only above 10. others it's 15. either way i was above ten and almost 15. :0)

so now i have to up my progesterone to 100mg two times a day. so to use up what i have two suppositories two times a day. i then asked about the infection. that if it may just keep coming back, would it be better to go to the shots so i don't have a fridge full of progesterone i can't use? so the nurse and i decided to wait til monday to see how things are feeling. and go from there. i was fine with that because i only took the second pill on thursday. she said to give it a few days to see how it worked. plus i wouldn't have been able to get anything by the point of the night friday anyways. and i have enough bullets in the fridge for the weekend. so it's all fine.

yesterday after the phone call i got my eyes on myself again. and the lord spoke a bit louder to me and said...what have i been telling you this entire time!?!? TRUST ME!! i feel he was a bit louder than a whisper. but not quite yelling. although he has EVERY right to. i can imagine he just wants to shake my shoulders and ask me what the world i'm doing? but he doesn't. instead he lovingly reminds me to trust him. and his plan.

so i am. and continue to. just trust in the lord. trust in the lord that either way i'll get to meet this little piece of rice...

it's funny because that's how big about the baby was at the ultrasound. breigh keeps thinking the baby in my belly is big...mainly because my belly isn't quite all the way gone from all the babies before this one. so i got out a piece of rice and showed her how small the baby was.

go get a piece of rice out. look at it. it's crazy small. BUT it has a heart beat. that crazy small piece of rice has a heart beat. it's a life. a baby. it was so incredible to realize that we all started out like that. a teensy tiny piece of rice.

breigh loved the 'baby' so much, that the rest of the day she carried around rice in a baggie calling it her babies. :0)

can i say that the past month has been easy? no way. can i say that it's been super hard? no. it's been a month of change and growing. i've been up and down and up again. and it's funny because the next time it goes down it doesn't feel as far down. i attribute that to the fact that i'm leaning on god more during those times. i'm going down, but i have him to hold me up. to go down with me and see me through it. it's the times i don't take him with me that...well suck.

i'll say i've struggled through the past month too. especially with the bleeding. my struggle is/was this...why would god allow me to get pregnant if i was just going to miscarry right away. why would he allow me to fall so much in love with someone. and then i thought of this. regardless of 'what' happens...i love this baby. i get to carry this baby inside of me for whatever time god allows...whether it be 3 weeks or 10 months...for that precious time god allows me to be the mommy to this baby. and i'll either get to 'be' a mommy to this baby outside of my belly...or when i get to heaven. either way i'm this baby's mommy. and i'm so blessed to say so. of course i want to be a mommy to this baby outside of my womb first. to see this baby be born and to raise it with it's brother and sisters. but i also trust in god. and his plan. whatever it is.

so what has god been teaching me. trust. trusting in him. in his plans. and his ways. because really? they're so much better than mine.

oh and my due date is july 12th. the ultrasound said the 16th. either way sometime in july. :0)  AND my pants are already getting tight?! how is this possible? it was quite crazy because a few weeks ago my pants were a little big on me (i bought them before i found out i was pregnant). and of the course of the past two weeks they've gotten tighter and tighter...to the point i can't button them!! thank goodness for the bella band!!

so there's the details. i just ask for your prayers for this baby and this pregnancy. and thanks so much!!!!

happy happy thanksgiving!! (update with picture)

to all my bloggy friends!!

thanksgiving.

is it something we should only celebrate one day a year?

nope.

but it seems people try to be more thankful around now.

so my challenge for myself...

...is to be more thankful ALL year long. not just during this 'season'.

so i'm thankful IN everything. yep EVERYthing.

every 'bad' thing that has happened...really has turned out for good. even though sometimes it takes a long time to realize the good, it has. i can see it. so as i continue to allow god to work in my life and to get my sticky paws out of it...i'm learning to be more thankful for all the things he's done for me. even those...not so good ones...because i'm thankful IN ALL things.

and i'm so thankful for all the great friends i have made in the bloggy world. you all are so great!

happy happy thanksgiving!!

six years (and one day) ago...

i didn't have a chance to post this yesterday...

but six years (and one day) ago...i was a bit busy doing this...

getting married that is!!

happy six year (and one day) anniversary shaun.

i love you.

today.

tomorrow.

and for the rest of forever...

NYC part of our trip.

okay now off to NYC. i've already updated about ohio and connecticut..so our last part of our trip was to NYC.

i'll say i was nervous way before we left for our trip to go to nyc. as far as driving and such goes. yet i wasn't even the one driving. i'm a paranoid passenger and was worried i'd be bad for shaun. but god. i totally felt the peace of god during our entire trip, and even more so during the busy times of driving on our trip.

it was kind of rainy on our way down to nyc. and shaun just found a semi-truck to follow and stuck with him for most of the way. apparently it made him feel safer. whatever works!! and the semi pretty much went where we needed to go to nyc! (must be a god thing huh?)

as we got closer to the city you could sense the traffic coming. all those cars!! the highway going into the city was not bad at all. when you got off the highway? completely different story.

traffic was at a standstill. but that didn't stop others in the other lane wanting to get in your lane...they just went...even a huge limo!! who shaun was convinced held donald trump. lol. doesn't he have a helicopter!?! anyways. it literally took over an hour!! to get to our hotel, once we got off the highway.

the initial busy streets of nyc weren't anything compared to near our hotel...did i forget to mention we were on 32nd street?! just blocks from times square. just blocks from macy's on 34th? just blocks from pretty much everything.

but that also means. people. tons of people. in cars. in delivery trucks. in buses. on feet. everywhere!!

we had never ever been to nyc. we really didn't know what to 'prepare' for either i guess. but man...NO ONE can prepare you for the chaos!! lol. it literally is chaos. but a fun chaos...well fun once we found our hotel.

little did we know it'd take a whole long time to find it. our gps was annoying us. and shaun at one point almost hit 'home'. but we made it through. as we drove down 32nd street. we looked and looked for our hotel. our gps kept telling us to turn. but we knew we didn't have to turn. and then when it did want us to turn...we couldn't. or we missed it because the blocks are sometimes short ones. so we basically shut the gps off and PRAYED harder that we'd find our hotel.

shaun was getting stressed and he'll admit he yelled at me. then i sort of yelled at him for yelling at me. and broke down and started bawling. i started bawling even harder when all of a sudden instead of english...all we saw was korean! then i really just calmed down. prayed again. the tears stopped. and 'by chance' (which i believe is only god) i turned to the left. and saw it. a sign. that held our hotels name on it!! praise god.

but now our problem was this. parking!! the lady when i booked the hotel said it was right across the street. ummmm yeah, BEFORE the hotel. if you don't know where your hotel is...then you miss the parking. so we drove about three blocks down and found parking. we ended up spending 47/night parking there. but didn't care!! we were happy to be able to get out. the only issue with parking was that they parked the cars for you. so we had about five minutes to get our stuff out and we left so much in our van that we should've grabbed!!

shaun carried two huge duffels full of stuff. and pushed the single stroller with caitlyn in it. i carried the diaper bag. dustin on my back. shoved bags under the double stroller i pushed. and had amelya with a bag on her lap...

...did i mention it was raining!! we looked like drowned rats by the time we got to our hotel. but we were just happy to be there! the elevators were tiny. so we made it up in two trips. and when we got into our room. which was small...but nice...we literally just sat there. taking it all in.

one super cool part of our nyc trip was that i was able to visit with a friend from high school. she's an assistant designer for the clothing company dallin chase living in brooklyn and working in nyc. we met her at planet hollywood for supper our first night. it was fun to catch up with her. and planet hollywood was down in times square.

times square is SO cool. the lights are amazing. the amount of people in one area is amazing. it all is so amazing to see. the girls loved the lights. and even though it was raining still...they were such troopers. we had no choice but to walk. and walk we did!!

planet hollywood is a cool place to eat at as well. i had never eaten at one. the movie artifacts all around are neat to see! it was a little 'weird' to have a bathroom attendant though. i was like seriously?! i can get my own paper towel. lol. the girls loved eating and shaun even let us get dessert...

that's all we did on our first day in nyc.

our second day was great. we had prayed with the girls that it would not rain the next day. guess what?! even with rain in the forecast!! jesus made it not rain. and the coolest part...the girls noticed. as we stepped out of our hotel they said...look jesus made it not rain! it was so neat to see them realizing it!!

our first stop for the day was toys r us. the toys r us store was huge in nyc!! it has a ferris wheel in it and everything!! the girls just took it all in. dustin too. he was a trooper on my back in the ergo for most of the trip. but did take an occasional stroller ride inside stores that amelya walked in.

toys r us was fun. it was fun to take it all in. i rode with the girls on the ferris wheel. it was only four bucks a ticket, so nothing too major! and the girls loved all the themed cars. it was worth the money. and the fun.

after toys r us we got some lunch. we went to olive garden. yummy. even though we have those here. but it sounded good. and it was. i had chicken scampi. mmmm. i so want it again. ;0) we made sure to go to the bathroom while there though. my friend told us there are no public bathrooms and most places will make you buy something just to use theirs. ((good tip!!))

after eating we headed to the m&m store. it's crazy what they put m&m's on!! and the colors of m&m's on the wall were fun to see. we checked out the store and bought some m&m apparel. hats for the kiddos...it was cold, and we had left our hats in the van!!

after m&m we decided to walk down to central park. it was a bit of a hike, but we at least wanted to SEE it. it made me laugh when this guy giving cart rides on a bike asked if we wanted a ride...ummm...how did he plan on doing that with all of us!? lol. it would be fun to do when shaun and i go back by ourselves. a romantic ride around the park... so we found a mini playground and let the kiddos run and play for awhile. it was strange to see squirrels. but even stranger that they got so close to us!! it was crazy. it was also weird to see green trees and grass. we played for awhile, but really didn't venture too much into the park. mainly because we knew we had quite the hike back to our hotel! while at central park the girls enjoyed some college kid playing an instrument and we saw trump tower. maybe next time we'll stay there...lol...or not!

we stopped at a few stores on the way back to the hotel. mainly to get souvinier type things for everyone. because every needs an i heart NY shirt. :0) we also stopped at h&m. we don't have that store here, or anywhere close that i know of. the kids were tired by this point though so we didn't shop long there. we headed back to the hotel then.

we decided to venture back out for supper and check out hard rock. i must say...it's hard rock. the music is too loud and the waiters were...interesting. it wasn't the type of place you take kids to. and the food wasn't so good. we decided we should've just went back to planet hollywood! but it was food nonetheless, and now we know hard rock is good for shirts...not the food.

we checked out times square one last time in the night life. it was a friday night and more busy than the night before. but just so cool to see. i loved the lights and the crazy-ness of it all. but i don't think i could do it everyday! it was always telling which people were 'native' nyc-ers...because they walked around in high heels! there is no way i could've done that. lol.

the next morning i headed out with amelya to one last store before coming back and packing up. i was bummed to be leaving and starting our trip back home. it meant our vacation was soon ending!!

when we got to the parking garage we were impressed the attendant had JUST brought our van up. talk about god's perfect timing. i had to walk back up to an ATM to get cash though because he only takes cash for more than one night. it was interesting to go to an ATM and have to search for the word 'english'. i am used to english or spanish choices. there were russian, chinese, and a whole bunch more. just shows that it's for sure not wisconsin!! lol. i got the money paid the guy. packed the van and off we were.

the drive out of the city was MUCH better. and easier. and calmer. and a bit freaky driving UNDER the hudson river!!

we made it to cleveland for the night. and then left cleveland the next morning for home!!

overall it was a great and fantastic trip. the kids were fabulous. and it was so nice to have an entire nine days with my hubby and kids...all day. every day. it was nice to see shaun relaxed. it was just so nice. and i almost cried when we got home!!

so there you have it. a majorly condensed version of our nyc trip. we want to go back sometime. only fly! (the looks we got from people when we said we drove were priceless!!) (it is seriously yellow taxi cabs all over the city...and they drive with one hand on the horn!!)

here is a link to the pictures. mainly because i'm lazy and don't feel like waiting to load them all again! it's the pictures from our whole trip. enjoy.

i'm off for the day. we have a bit of a busy day ahead, and i hope to get some more blog reading in tomorrow!! have a great day!!

another wii-view

have i told you all how i love jumpstart?! well i do!! and when they offered me a free copy of this game...



...i was game.

amelya loved this game...even though it was a bit too advanced for her.

the box says ages five to nine. i must say that i agree. BUT i'm glad that i agree. because that means when she gets to be five...i know i have a game for her that is going to challenge her and not be too easy for her. she is about four and a half right now. and i think in a few months when she turns five...she'll be a bit more ready for the game.

here is what jumpstart says about the game::
"Escape from Adventure Island is designed for children between the ages of 5-9. It’s an action-packed game that invites players to use their explorer skills and brain power to find a way to escape the mysterious island that they crashed landed on. As players race to collect the pieces needed to repair their blimp, they will navigate 3D worlds both above and below the water. Along the way, players will practice over 150 math, reading, and critical thinking skills all while having fun!"

like i said some of the games were a bit harder for amelya. but others she got the hang of right away. so it is the perfect game for your five to nine year old. and i would stick with jumpstarts other wii game, pet rescue, for your younger preschoolers!!

i must say that shaun and i enjoyed playing the game as well. it was fun to be able to play a nice clean game as a family!! and amelya loved telling shaun what to do and where to go. ;0)

this game was just released yesterday...so you and your famly can go enjoy it now!! woo hoo...

stay tuned later today for my NYC post...FINALLY!!

hungry and thirsty.

oh..but not THAT hungry and thirsty. nope.

i'm hungry and thirsty for more of my jesus. for more of my father. for more of him.

yesterday we sang this song at church, and i must say it's so hard to listen to it 'slowly' done. our (awesome) worship leader sings it faster. i have to say it's excellent either way. and next time this is done at church i must be sure to have my camera to record it. :0) i LOVE this song...i searched and searched youtube to find a video of it. and i found one that is pretty well done and has the words of the song too.

this is all i have today. i am going to finish up the nyc post this week. and post it. but right now i'm off to do school with my amelya.

enjoy the video. i hope it leaves you more hungry and thirsty for jesus. imagine if we all starved after our lord with the same passion we have when we're starving for food?!?

i am alive.

i am. i really am. it may not seem that way lately. but i am.

last week i was gone every single day doing 'something'.

this week is a bit slower.

but still busy.

and trying to catch up on things from last week...still.

so i'll finish up my nyc post soon...it's half started.

and i'll tell you my little niece is getting to come home from the NICU...SOON!

and i'll tell you...i'm still alive.

and lord willing...i'll be back to reading blogs again too...i MISS YOU GUYS!!!

and if you think of it pray for my little man, dustin has a dr's appt with an ENT doctor today. his gum is 'too attached' to his lip. if that makes sense. i'm not sure how else to explain it besides that. we're seeing the dr today to see if it needs to be snipped or not. dustin was also tongue tied when he was born, maybe it's all connected! :0) and he's been getting up around five the past two mornings. just screaming and crying. nothing helps. no tylenol. no milk. no holding. no back rubbing. no laying in bed with momma. no nothing!

okay...back to work. see you guys all SOON!! :0)