more beautiful you!

have you heard it? no?! well take a listen and a watch here:::



i heard this song last week or so, and was telling shaun how i had never heard it before...then it got to the chorus and i realized i HAD heard it before...but had never LISTENED to the words.

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight her body isn't fake
And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

that's the first and second verse. and i put myself...even at 26...almost 27((normally i do not 're-read' my posts...today i did. good thing because instead of 27 i put 17!! lol))...in 'her' shoes. don't i do the same thing. feel inadequate. feel not pretty. feel overweight. don't i ignore shaun when he tells me how pretty i am. how beautiful i look. how nice my eyes look.

did you notice how backwards i feel? i feel all those yucky things i should NOT feel...and ignore all the things that are telling me how beautiful i am. then it got to the chorus::

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

and then it hit me. i AM beautiful. not because shaun thinks so...but because GOD thinks so. and i realize how i am buying something that i never intended to. the lies. the disguises. the hoops. all that junk the world throws at me. i buy it not even realizing it...and it makes me feel like...well for lack of better words, crap. and i realize how god created ME for a purpose. a purpose ONLY i, ONLY ONLY ME!! can fill. just me. no one else was created like me. and no one else can fufill MY purpose. only i can. there can never be a more beautiful me. never. because god did make me beautiful and god made me to fufil my purpuse.

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead


Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel you are

those are the words to the second and third verse. while i can't place myself a lot in 'that' girls shoes. i do know a lot of women probably can. we think that we have to do this or that to get ahead. to be 'perfect' to be 'right' to be 'whatever'. but we don't. we don't have a 'part' to play. we just have to fully and completely let god lead and guide us and believe him when he says:

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

i think that's my struggle even with god. first off i don't 'believe' my own husband most of the time when he calls me beautiful...then i don't believe my FATHER when he tells me?!?! what? the two people who LOVE me the MOST and i do NOT believe them?

So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

the song then has those lyrics. ((which is probably called the bridge or something...i'm not a composer nor do i pretend to be)) and it says we can turn back. go away from these feelings. and all of these yucky gross feelings can GO AWAY. by HIM. by god. he can take those all away, and restore us to the way he's made us to be. how incredible and awesome.

i KNOW i let the world get in my head too much about appearances. in fact the only time i ever feel 'pretty' is when i'm pregnant. because it's okay to be 'fat' then. it's okay to have a big belly then. the world doesn't care as much. ((except of course when the random people ask if you're having twins four months before your due date...that happened when i was preggo with caitlyn. lol)) you're expected to have a 'big' belly and i've never had a small one so i'm not sure if people say things about how 'you're so tiny blah blah blah'. either way i feel more 'accepted' as a pregnant woman than a non-pregnant woman. and it's funny. because who is it i feel accepted by? the world. and i laugh. i don't even care if i'm accepted by them. yet i do i guess. i know that makes no sense. but in certain things i don't care if the world accepts me...like when i wear a 'jesus shirt' i don't care what others reading have to say. yet i care if i look thin in the shirt. plainly...how stupid? and i'm talking to myself. how stupid can i be to care more about what someone in the world thinks, when all i SHOULD be thinking about is what god thinks. and what DOES he think? he thinks i'm BEAUTIFUL. he doesn't care about my clothes, about my weight, about my hair and make up...he cares about my heart. and what condition it's in.

i just have to realize that. and remember that.

so you too...remember YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. and if you don't feel beautiful...let GOD do the work. let him have you...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL of you. not just bits and pieces of your life you think he needs. because truthfully he needs ALL of it. all of those yucky, bad, gross things. he wants them. he wants to restore you. he wants to help you realize just how beautiful you are. he wants you to realize your purpose. the purpose HE wants for you.

now do i think it's wrong to want to lose a few pounds or be healthy? no i don't. in fact i know that after having this baby i'd like to get in better shape. i just think that sometimes we focus too much on those things and then lose focus of what god is telling us and what he wants for us. so don't lose focus. keep your eyes on the main prize...our crown in heaven. our eternity in heaven. and the only way we get that is through our relationship with him. not our 'works' we do. not some 'ritual' that our church says we 'have to do'. we get there through devoting our hearts to him. our lives to him. our whole being to him. that's all he wants. is our heart. are you willing to give it?