i don't claim to know it all. i don't claim to be perfect. i just claim to love jesus.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

ten secrets to a successful...

marriage.

a sweet friend share a link to this list on facebook today. i think it's worth sharing...over and over again. this is the 'link' to it, ((making sure i give credit to focus on the family, where this link leads to!))

here is the list:: ((and i've added my own 'thought's in red and italics. :) ))

1.Happiness is not the most important thing. Everyone wants to be happy, but happiness will come and go. Successful couples learn to intentionally do things that will bring happiness back when life pulls it away.
i think this is very true. and i know that i cannot be truly happy unless Jesus is at the forefront of my life and everything i/we do. i know that i will do 'intentional' things to try to get that 'happiness' back in our marriage. and it can be litte things! ((like the 'coupon' for 100 kisses i gave shaun last week. ;) ))

2.Couples discover the value in just showing up. When things get tough and couples don't know what to do, they need to hang in there and be there for their spouse. Time has a way of helping couples work things out by providing opportunities to reduce stress and overcome challenges.
hanging in there. oh  yes. so very true. especiallly after our year last year, i realized how important it was to just hang in there and 'show up'. because believe me, there were MANY times i care to even admit i was willing to NOT hang in there and NOT show up. thankfully God helped me to hang in there and continue to show up.

3.If you do what you always do, you will get same result. Wise couples have learned that you have to approach problems differently to get different results. Often, minor changes in approach, attitude and actions make the biggest difference in marriage.
i love this one. if i do what i always do i DO for sure get the same result. thankfully God is helping me not do what i usually did, and it's getting me BETTER results. instead of those same yucky results i used to get. and the funny thing is...it is just MINOR changes i've had to make. who would've thought! :)

4.Your attitude does matter. Changing behavior is important, but so is changing attitudes. Bad attitudes often drive bad feelings and actions.
yep. that's all i can say for that! i need to remember it more though.


5.Change your mind, change your marriage. How couples think and what they believe about their spouse affects how they perceive the other. What they expect and how they treat their spouse matters greatly.
i have to completely agree with this one too. how i treat shaun matters greatly. very greatly. treating him with respect and love is my goal. and of course i fail at that, i'm human! but when i change my mind back...i can see the major change in our marraige too.

6.The grass is greenest where you water it. Successful couples have learned to resist the grass is greener myth – i.e. someone else will make me happy. They have learned to put their energy into making themselves and their marriage better.
i LOVE this one. the grass is greener on the other side, because the other side is watering their grass. so i need to remember to water my grass. and it's greener. because i'm watering my grass/marriage, it's greener. fuller. better. and it's mine to take care of. i need to also make sure the weeds are picked, and the grass stays green.

7.You can change your marriage by changing yourself. Veteran couples have learned that trying to change their spouse is like trying to push a rope – almost impossible. Often, the only person we can change in our marriage is ourselves.
another good one to remember. i can't change shaun...BUT i can change myself and MY attitude.

8.Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Everyday life wears away the "feel good side of marriage." Feelings, like happiness, will fluctuate. But, real love is based on a couple's vows of commitment: "For better or for worse" – when it feels good and when it doesn't.
i need to "DO" love too. i can't just feel love, but i also have to do love.

9.Marriage is often about fighting the battle between your ears. Successful couples have learned to resist holding grudges, bringing up the past and remembering that they married an imperfect person – and so did their spouse.
ohhhhh....this is a convicting one for my heart. i sometimes struggle with remembering 'last time' or whatever. but last time doesn't matter. the past doesn't matter as much as now, and the future. we can't change the past. and i need to remember that.

10.A crisis doesn't mean the marriage is over. Crises are like storms: loud, scary and dangerous. But to get through a storm you have to keep driving. A crisis can be a new beginning. It's out of pain that great people and marriages are produced.
amen. SO true. we've had our fair share of 'crisis' but...we kept going. neither of us gave up. neither of us lost hope. we kept on driving. sure we switched drivers once in awhile...but we've both kept going. that's what matters. do we both care enough to keep going?

Copyright © 2009, Mitch Temple
 
i think remembering these DAILY, will help TREMENDOUSLY. i was blessed by reading the list, and maybe a bit convicted too! but it's ALL good. :)
 

5 loving words from you.:

Kelli @ RTSM said...

That is some great advice! Thanks so much for sharing it:)

Jen said...

What great advice! All of it.

Melissa said...

thank you for sharing this....i needed this :)

Holly said...

This is a great list and so true!! Too often couples just give up on their marriages without trying to save them or put in the effort.

ACW said...

Oh my gosh! I LOVE this! I might have to steal them.