the winner {finally} and randomness

well first off...i totally apologize that i did not reveal my winner of the sloppy joe mix giveaway on friday. i'll be honest...i totally and completely forgot. {more on that later} so to the winner.

i used random.org. it gave me number 11. number 11 belonged to maire. i met maire a few months ago and it's been a lot of fun getting to know her. she's a super cool friend. and i'm super excited to send her some sloppy joe mix. so maire...email me your address. for those of you totally bummed. feel free to check out my site and get your own sloppy joe mix or whatever else makes you all warm and fuzzy. i wish i could give you all some!! but i can't. sorry. maybe when i get to be a big wig leader i will. so that's a promise. when i hit team leader status i'll buy anyone who wants one a sloppy joe mix. :0) that means i only need two people with me selling and a minimum in sales of 3500 all together. we could do that easy!! so if you, yourself are perhaps interested in earning some extra income and joining my team please let me know. and you don't have to be from here to be a part of it. anyone, anywhere can join me. :0)

so congrats again maire!!

hmmm. where do i start?

last time we 'talked' i shared with you my exciting news. well i did think, and still do think it's super exciting to know i have a son. and i was super blessed by all of your comments expressing the same thing. it was so cool to me to be able to share something so special and personal with you guys and to have you all as excited as me. most of you i'll probably never meet, yet you got excited with me. that means A LOT. in fact, more than you'll ever know.

we decided to do the chromosome testing. we had our blood taken this morning. we prayed and talked a lot about our decision. it wasn't one that was made flippantly. we talked about if it would 'matter' if something is 'wrong'. we talked about why or why not? and in the end we both felt at peace with our choice not to. to be honest if shaun would've said no, let's not. we wouldn't have. i wanted it to be OUR choice. not mine. not his. not anyone else's. but ours. and ours it was.

as we wait for the results, we continue to wait on the lord. knowing his plan is good and perfect. and as we hash out the results, that we don't even know, we contemplate 'where to go' if something is wrong. we've talked about not seeing the genetic counselor if something is wrong. we've talked about seeing a genetic counselor if something is wrong. we've asked ourselves does it matter? are we going to base our choice on something 'science' has told us? to me if something is wrong i don't feel the urge to go hear our 'statistics'. that's really all they'd be. our statistic to have miscarriage out of every pregnancy. our statistic to have a healthy baby. an unhealthy baby. and that's where i feel...it doesn't matter. statistic or not...it's all god's plan. if we're meant to have another baby...we will. if we're not...we won't. i trust that god knows what he is doing.

so then, why, you may be wondering are we going through the testing? i'll tell you. :0) thanks for asking me so nicely why we choose that. thanks for not jumping on me and asking how in the world it's being paid for. thanks for respecting my choice. i firmly believe god's created everything in this world. in seven days even. i also firmly believe he's given people the technology and 'brains' to figure out stuff. i believe that he's blessed us with the opportunity to 'know' why this may be happening. i know that i will never 'understand' why this has happened. but to know why it's happened gives me a sense of peace about it. is it going to change my stance on wanting more children? nope. is it going to make me question god's superiority? nope. is it going to change and shape and mold me? most definitely yes. it will. regardless of the results of this said 'test' i'm going to be changed. shaped. and molded. into what god wants me to be. not what i want me to be. or shaun wants me to be. or even what you want me to be. but what god wants me to be. and i'm excited for that. and in case you're wondering...we have super great insurance that authorized the testing and it's being paid for by them.

i'll be honest though. i was a mess of emotions the end of last week. someone finding out it was a boy made me the happiest and the saddest all at the same time. i cried some more. knowing it was a boy though made me so happy. i could put a general 'face' to a baby. if that makes sense. i was so blessed by knowing. it doesn't make me love him more than the other two babies in heaven, but it makes me feel like i know him a bit better than them. shaun and i have prayed about naming him as well. we both feel he needs a name. we're still praying/waiting/seeing what we are going to name him though. we also plan on buying something to remember the babies by. a precious friend gave us a white lilac bush in memory of our baby in may. we were so blessed by it. and i'm so excited to see it bloom, lord willing, this spring. we never thought of it for our first baby. so for that first baby and this little boy, we're going to buy something to remember them by. there's a tree in our front yard in memory of shaun's brother. there's a lilac bush to remember our angel baby in may. and now we'll think of something to plant in our yard for these babies. not that we 'need' something to plant. but it's such a nice way to remember them by. and to me it shows how they're still living, but only in heaven. their eternal home. that's truly the big picture.

we've been so busy with school stuff here as well. {how's that for transition?} amelya and i do school every day during nap time. we're learning letters and sounds. numbers. same. different. more. fewer. and on and on. i love watching her little mind work. and she's a sponge for the information. i'm worried i won't know what to teach her for kindergarten next year?!

breigh does school with us on days she doesn't nap. mainly she does practice writing worksheets. and same/different stuff. but she's just as excited to do school. so i'm all for it! i'm so blessed to be able to homeschool.

hmmm. i can't think of much else. except i noticed i have a whole bunch of new followers. hey! welcome. glad you stopped by and choose to follow. hope you come back and enjoy yourselves. i love to hear from you. but will admit, i've been very bad at making myself heard from!! i'm kind of a poo-ey bloggy friend lately. i'm sorry!!

so now that the kiddos are up from nap it's my time to be a 'mom' again. have a great rest of your monday. because it's a great day!!

a call from the doctor.

well. today i got a call from my dr.

i listened to the voicemail and was very nervous to call back. reason being was that she really didn't say much of anything. when i got my biopsy news on voicemail back in january they said the good news. so i kind of figured that it may not be 'good' news.

i just got off the phone with her, and just need to spill it all out in writing.

turns out first of all...our baby that is in heaven was a boy. i have another son. she said she felt like it was a bummer because she knew it was what we were 'hoping' for. but it's SO cool to know. i have no idea what our other babies were. i thought the first one was a boy and the one in may was a girl. but i don't know for sure. it's so cool to think that i have a son waiting for me for sure. and that dustin in fact does have a little brother. a brother. another boy. a son. for some reason i can't stop smiling at knowing that.

so. he had quite a few things 'wrong' with his little choromosomes. she told me about three different things that were screwed up with them. one of the 'major' things that was wrong was his chromosome number 22. his. him. isn't it fun to 'know'. :0)

so now that means she wants us to get our chromosomes tested. to see if one of us has a screwy chromosome or if it was all just 'random'. our insurance has to authorize it first. so after that is done, then shaun and i have to get our blood taken and wait some more. if something comes back 'not okay' from us...then we can meet with a genetic counselor and see what they have to say. basically they'll tell you your percentage of miscarriage and the percentage of having a baby born with abnormalities. so we'll see.

and wait.

i tell you. it's the waiting part that stinks. i just want to know. and move one. but in the wait i know god has a lot in store for me. and shaun. and our family.

god is good. and he has a plan. and 'if' something is wrong with me or shaun's chromosomes i just praise him for his perfect faithfulness. and for the four kiddos i have on earth. and the three in heaven.

my mind and heart are a bunch of emotions right now. i don't know if any of this even comes off clearly. but i feel better getting it out. :0)

ps. i have another son!?! :0)

pps. and there's a giveaway in the post below this one if you're interested.

a teensy tiny giveaway!

hey. i haven't done a giveaway in awhile. so i'm off to do one today. well, i'm not really 'off' anywhere. but whatever.



so i'll get to the giveaway first.



you see i ordered some wildtree this week. and didn't realize i didn't need 2 containers of sloppy joe mix, when i already had 2 here. geesh. SO my screw up is your advantage. because i'm giving one away!!!



so you and your family will get to enjoy some sloppy joe blend!! we love the sloppy joe blend. i'm a manwich hater. so before wildtree it was only tomato soup used to make sloppy joes. since i started wildtree...it's been sloppy joe blend with tomato soup. it's super yummy!! it adds great flavor without adding the actual item. ((i don't like chunks of onion, peppers, etc...)) here is a link to the info if you want to learn more...



what do you have to do to enter?!?! well just comment on this post. that's all. no biggie. i'll leave the giveaway open for a week. so go ahead and remember to comment.



if you're interested in more wildtree feel free to look around my site. there are a ton of new fun fall products. like pumpkin bread. pumpkin pancakes. blueberry syrup. whole wheat pancakes. ohhhh so yummy. and also the skillet meals. we are loving loving them!!



if you're interested in ordering you can do that right on my site. and have the items shipped to your door!! ((remember all wildtree products are all natural. msg free. preservative free. dye free. peanut free and good for you!!))



if you're interested in getting free wildtree...well let me know!! i can come to your house...if you're close the area...and do a tasting and you'll earn a ton of free products. i'm currently booking one more show for october. and have a few dates open in november. let me know!!



my business has been going fantastically this month. i'm on my way to another month over 1000 in sales. it'll be four months in a row. since i've started selling wildtree i've sold over 1500 each month!! the extra money has been so nice to have, as well as the nights out with some adults to chat. so if you're interested in learning more about wildtree's business, let me know. you don't have to be near me to sign up with me!! :0) i'd love you on my team!!



enough business.



this week has flown by. dance went great this week. last week caitlyn cried a bit when the teacher tried to touch her. she's a little sensitive to ppl getting in her space too soon!! caitlyn had her two year check up. she's 60% for height and weight...and 97% for her head. i've got big headed children. she got a shot. and didn't cry at all. i was so proud of her!!



amelya has started going awana. this week was parents week. so shaun and i got to go along and watch and see how it all goes. i was pleasantly surprised with everything and amelya will continue to attend. :0) she's learning scriptures again this week and it's fun to incorporate awana stuff into our homeschooling stuff as well.



breigh is a champ going potty on the potty. i love it!! it's so cool to have half my kids in underwear!!



dustin is crawling all over. starting to sleep better now that his tooth is through. but it was a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong week. he's pulling up a bit now too!!



i had my check with my dr this week. everything looks/feels fine. no test results were back yet. hopefully in a week or two. and then she'll run blood work depending on the results of the testing. so it's wait and see on that.



this weekend is shaun's weekend off. woo hoo. i have a show tomorrow. so he gets some daddy time for a bit in the late morning/early afternoon. it'll be fun for all involved. it's supposed to be a nice fall weekend in wisconsin so we're excited for that too. we may have to hit up the apple orchard soon!!



our details for our trip to connecticut are coming in line a bit. i just will need to find a hotel about midway through our trip...i'm thinking ohio/pennsylvania -ish. i just have to figure out where half way is. ;0) then we're spending mon -thurs in connecticut. then thursday to friday or saturday in nyc. yep. we've decided we're going to go to nyc. i'm nervous about driving in the city already...and i'm not even going to be the one driving!! thanks goodness for a gps!!

so with that i'm off. hope you have a great weekend.

and don't forget to comment to win some yummy sloppy joe blend!!

amelya reading.

i don't have a ton of time at the beginning of the week for much blogging. but had a quick minute to share this video with you all. it's super cute. and if you need a giggle...i dare you to watch it and not giggle at the end!! i can't believe how big she's getting!! :0(

back to a sense of normal.

friday again. it's been an entire week between posts again too! yikes!!

((off subject, but yikes is my new favorite word...in case you were wondering))

i'll be honest though...yesterday is the first day i've felt like i'm coming around to a sense of normalcy again. this week has been a good week. but i'll be honest and say it's also been a rollercoaster a bit as well. the other night i was just sitting and watching tv and started crying when someone had a baby. because it hit me again that we weren't. at the same time, thanks to facebook on my phone :0), i read about someone loving little baby kicks in their belly. and it hit me that i wasn't getting to feel those...YET.

it's not like people are going to quit having babies or talking about their precious kicks just because i'm not pregnant. people get pregnant and have babies all the time. it was just this week that it really hit me that i wasn't. and it also hit me how bad i truly desire it. so i continue to pray and rest in god's arms and timing and know that it's perfect. there is a reason that he wanted to take my two babies to heaven before me. i don't know why...but i don't NEED to know why...all i NEED to know is that god remains good.

my struggle though...is all the complaining people do. now. i KNOW i complain. i try really hard not to complain while pregnant, but i know i do. usually it's about my back pain. and the only other thing i can think of is having to get up at 3 AM to go pee. after the past four months and losing two babies...i will tell you this...i'd give anything to have horrible back pain and i'd get up every five minutes to pee if it meant i got to be having a baby at the end of it.

so it really has opened my eyes to the comments i make. it's sort of like the 'as long as the baby is healthy comment'. actually i would take my baby even if it wasn't healthy...sure it'd be 'nice' to have a healthy baby...but i'm not going to put it back if it's not. and what is healthy anyways? breigh and dustin have ezcema..does that make them 'not-healthy'. or do they have to be sick or in the hospital or something? sure it isn't the perfect scenerio to have a not healthy child...but we also always tell our children, life isn't perfect. so then why do we expect it to be for us? i don't know. maybe i'll make some of you upset by saying those things. but it really just has been on my heart this week. you can bet that if we get pregnant again i'll have back pain. but i will tell you i will SAY that i have been having back pain...but i will not say how 'ugh it hurts so bad i hate it'. i think that people can share their pregnancy experiences...the negative ones...in a way that just states the issue but isn't complaining about it. if that makes sense. it's the complaining or seeming like they can't stand all of this...that drives me to tears. because like i said, i wish it could be me going through it. sort of like i don't understand the people who say that they hate being pregnant. well not hate being pregnant but just the whole experience...i love it. i think that it's okay for people to not enjoy it. and i've never had a really bad pregnancy..but i just love it.

my hardest pregnancy was probably amelya's. i was as big as a boat...no a cruise ship. and i was working in an infant room at a daycare. in winter. which means runny noses...and a cruise ship getting up and down off the floor all day long. i had bad back pain with her pregnancy as well. but in the end...i hardly remember the back pain and i only know i was huge because of pictures. it's sort of like they say, you'll forget the pain as soon as the baby is born...i didn't believe them...until i held amelya in my arms. and breigh. and caitlyn. and dustin. the pain was gone and the love in my heart swelled more and more as i watched my precious baby.

speaking of precious baby...my caity-bug is two now. her birthday was on sunday. we're having a b-day party for her this sunday. we never have done anything huge for any of the parties. i guess to me i don't care. and at one or two years old the kids don't care about all the hoop-la. for amelya's birthday the past two years she picked out her cake theme...that my mom makes. :0) and breigh did it this year. so that's as themed out as we get. amelya is going to be five in about six months...oh my!! and she is starting to have some little friends...so maybe we'll do something with friends this time. i don't know. and really it doesn't matter. it will also be amelya's 'golden birthday' this year. i can't believe she's going to be FIVE. i can't believe that caitlyn is TWO. and dustin will be ONE next month. YIKES!! times a thousand YIKES...

today is 9/11. it's crazy to think it's been eight years since that day. that is the first event in the US that i 'remember right where i was'. i was at school in oshkosh and was walking back from the shower and my next door dorm-mate said turn your tv on. it was early. and i was like...um okay. i thought maybe hers wasn't working so we should see if ours were. huh. if it was only just that. i remember watching the second plane fly into the building. i saw it. then over and over again as they showed it. it was like watching a crazy movie and you couldn't change the channel. every channel was covering it.

this is dumb. but they cancelled a parents night for tennis at our home high school. i remember being all upset because i was excited to go home one night 'extra' to see shaun. yeah, i know. dumb. looking back now i realize how crazy i was to be all upset.

they cancelled classes. held vigils. rallies. what have you. and we were hundreds of miles away from there.

after the whole thing i remember being most intrigued by flight 93. by the phone calls that were recorded. by the men who tried to help take over the flight. 'let's roll' was a super good book about one of them. todd beamer. he was also a christian. every time i hear the stories i put myself on that plane and wonder what i would do. and pray i never find out.

and now we sit here eight years later. tv coverage is minimal compared to that day. my kids don't even know what happened. life moves on. but we never forget. i can put that to my angel babies too. life moves on..but i never forget.

just like god doesn't forget us. ever. he sits. waiting. until we come back to him.

we're going on a family trip in a few weeks...well like a month, take a deep breath michelle. we'll be three hours-ish from NYC. i'm a super bad passenger in milwaukee...do we risk it and drive to NYC? anyone want to be a driver for our family and take us there? lol. part of me would love to go to NYC...to say i've been to NYC. i'd love to see central park, the statue of liberty, ground zero, the brooklyn bridge, time square...but do i risk an anxiety attack to just say i've seen it? i don't know.

i'm still in the process of planning out our trip. we're leaving on a friday and hoping to make it to connecticut by sunday or monday. with some stops in the middle. i have no idea 'where' in the middle. but perhaps YOU'RE in the middle. maybe our families could meet up for some lunch/dinner at a park. or a mcdonald's. or wherever. let me know. because i'd LOVE to meet you. if you email me..i can email you the specific dates-ish. and we could set something up. plus i just love meeting new bloggy friends.

well i'm off to get ready for the day. i have a ton of errands to run. next week i'm praying for some more normalcy and i can get back to blogging more normally and commenting again. i'm SO behind!!

update on the prayer requests...

wow. that's all i can say.

not only was a prayer answered BUT PRAYERS were answered.

lets start with the d/c. it went so well. so well in fact i remember nothing of it. nope. nada. zilch. nothing. zero. got it? :0) the nurse talked to me before hand and said that i said i remembered everything. yep i said. i did. she had looked back at what they gave me the first time and she said that they didn't give me a whole lot of it and it probalby wore off before it should have. umm. geesh. if i would've known that i wouldn't have been so nervous about wednesday. they gave me versed this time. ahhh. SO nice. i took a nice nap and don't remember it. i barely remember the dr coming in actually. she actually did an ultrasound before we got started. the sac remained empty. but had grown again to an eight week size. she said it's a stubborn little thing. well it's half me. half shaun. it has not other choice but to be stubborn! the nurse said that i was hardly dialted (which the pills should have done) so the pills really did nothing at all. and they have a 85-90% SUCCESS RATE! my dr figured since we did them twice it should've been covered!

i'm on an anti-biotic to prevent infection. but i hate this med too. it makes me have awful headaches all day and it's not so nice in the bathroom either. only three more days left of it. so by next week i should be feeling fine. i'm hoping so.

and because it's a special day to me. our first angel baby is five years old already! five years ago today was my due date with that special angel baby. :0) (it also means amelya will be five in six months...i'm still in denial about that)

and breigh. is going potty IN the toilet. i'm amazed. only ONE day of accidents. and the past two days she has been dry in her underwear and going potty ON the toilet. i'm so excited for her!! today she held it for over six hours though. we weren't at home and i tried to have her go, but she didn't. as soon as we got home i put her on the toilet and she went. so i guess she's a little 'potty shy' at public places yet. which is fine. as long as she doesn't pee in her pants.

so thanks SO much for the prayers. they were answered. faster and better than i could have ever imagined!!

tomorrow amelya and i are having a special day. she needs dance shoes for class next week. so i'm taking her to get those and we're going to hang out for the morning. we're both really excited. i'm hoping breigh will do well with shaun. it's mostly been me and her on this whole training thing.

our county fair is this weekend. woo hoo. well sort of. it's not that great of a fair. tomorrow they have free admission from four to five with a canned good donation. so we're going then. :0) i hope you have a great labor day weekend!!

not all of you were around for last year's labor day weekend. i encourage you to read this post. it made me laugh all over again. enjoy!! and have a great 'last weekend of summer'. :0)

prayers appreciated please.

wow. i'm getting way worse than better at this blogging thing lately. but this time i have a tiny excuse. i've been sick with an awful head cold. it's all in my sinus' and eyes. BUT i do have a prayer request for today...and that's why i quick am typing this.

today at 1130 cst. i will go in for a d and c. the pills have caused nothing to happen. so my only option really at this point is a d and c. three weeks ago my dr asked me to wait two weeks to see what happens. and i didn't 'want' to, but it looks as if i did. and nothing has happend.

i'll be honest. i'm terrified. scared. afraid. etc etc etc of the d/c this afternoon. i hated the one i had a few years ago. i remember EVERY SINGLE sound. tug. pull. it was the most awfulest thing ever to endur. and i had prayed for the past three weeks, to not have to endur it again. it's god's plan that i do though.

so i am. my prayer request is this. just pray that i can't remember anything. that i don't hear anything. that it's all just a big blur. when i talked to the nurse on monday i asked for some stronger drugs then i may have had last time. so lord willing i'll get something nice and strong.

shaun is going with me. my sister is meeting us at the hospital to watch the kiddos until shaun's sister gets done with work. she just so 'happens' to have a half day today. isn't that cool how god works that out. shaun's sister will take the kiddos back to her house until we come and get them. i'm so thankful that it all worked out to have someone watch them.

oh yea, and i started potty training breigh. i realized this week that NEXT week starts dance class. breigh needs to be potty trained for dance class. YIKES! i have a little less than a week to do it. honestly i was planning on starting this week, after today. but i also thought i had TWO weeks til dance started not ONE. so please pray for this as well. potty training is honestly something i hate doing. i lose my paitence really quickly for some reason while potty training. it's a stressful time for me...until i stop and pray. so i myself have to remember to keep praying ALWAYS during this season. because it is just a season. and lord willing a very short one. ;0)

in fact last night when breigh was sitting on the toilet caitlyn came in and said potty. she wanted to sit down on the toilet. so okay. she did. she didn't go though. until she walked out in the living room and peed on the floor. SO i may even get TWO kids potty trained out of this. we'll see. i'm not pushing caitlyn into it at all, but if it happens...i'll totally take it.

so do you need prayer? because i'd love to hear your prayer requests if you have them. i'm always asking for prayer, but feel that prayer is so powerful i should be praying for YOU TOO!! please let me know if there is anything you'd like prayer for. and i'd be so blessed to pray for you. :0)